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What about that very special, sensual, loving night, where a girl with ptsd, that I dearly loved, was ready to lose her virginity? Both must have been extremely fertile, because I got out before ejaculation, but she fell pregnant. Parents rushed her to hospital and got rid of them. Blood transfusion and ectopic weeks later. Very slow, not much penetration at all, waited a long time.

She accused me of rape. I had my head caved in by her jilted admirer by the biggest cowardly sucker punch one is ever likely to see. It stained my new relationship at the time, and that sowed seeds of fking doubt. I was excelling in my career and sport. She left him immediately when she heard. She approached me at the races with a friend and said hello some time later. I said you fkd me up. She said I was young and sorry I lied.

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