I hear ya anon. It seems you’re looking for justice in this life to substantiate your faith. Never forget that Judgment is coming and we will all face it eventually. The fact that you’re concerned about your faith tells me plenty. God knows your heart anon.
I’ll leave you with this (paraphrasing because I can’t find the direct quote): A.W. Tozer once said, regarding the unpardonable sin, that “if you’re worried about it, then you haven’t.”