All I can think about is how badly I messed up and how nobody will ever know or even believe me if I were to tell them.
Well, let's just say that different events have happened in my life concurrently to other people's lives in a weird "butterfly effect" sort of way… things that could have been avoided if only I had a little more self control while growing up with little-to-no parental supervision.
As an addendum to my last post, I remember what happened in my life and at different points throughout it and how I reacted or did things, but ultimately I'm just filled with so much regret because I feel like it's all my fault, and despite the fact that I've seemingly been so lucky, I can't help feeling unlucky after all that has occured, and ultimately not knowing (or maybe I do know and I'm just in denial and don't want to admit that I messed up) how or why these things have happened and continue to happen. Since this Q stuff came along, I've fallen even deeper into denial and regret over possibly having been able to have had the best possible outcome if only I had been… I don't even know what, exactly.
And the movie that stands out most to me is Jupiter Ascending, because it came out at a time when a lot of the events in my life before the movie came out and after it came out mirrored it in a strangely distorted fashion. It's hard to explain, as a lot of other movies that have come out have some sort of significance in ways that are so weird, like how their release dates happen to coincide with events in my life, like just the movie title itself instead of the whole plot. It's too confusing to explain.
I'm not sure. I don't believe that a God actually exists. Instead, I believe that I'm really the only person who is cognizant of what my (I'd say "our collective," but after what I've experienced, I'm not sure that word is suitable) reality entails. I can't think of the things I've done being bad necessarily, although in a "butterfly effect" sort of way, I followed the advice of those around me, including authority figures, but maybe the advice they had given me wasn't suitable at that time? It's weird and I feel as if my reality is purposely this convoluted for whatever reason that may be. Maybe I really am a walking-talking Mary Sue-style individual, even though I don't particularly feel like it after having to endure so many unpleasant interactions and truths, even though now it seems as if everyone has completely gone stupid ever since certain events in my life happened to unleash Hell for me but not for anyone else in anyway they'd be aware of.
I feel as if the post immediately after mine is a direct response to my last statement (you know, because of hivemind).