The sad part is you have no idea why you spend your time and effort here. It's obvious it isn't to persuade anyone to your cause, because as far as I can see, you have none. You have no clearly stated objective. You offer no solution. In fact, it is difficult to understand what it is, exactly, that you want.
But I know I can rest assured that you will post the same unintelligible garbage in the next thread, and the next, and the next simply because you have no plan of action, nor the ability to adapt to a changing environment.
You are much better than this. I hope you come to the realization, sooner than later, that your life does have value, that you are actually a good person deep down, and that you are only seeking attention in this manner because you feel you are worthless in the eyes of society.
Once you build confidence in yourself, and develop your talents and skills, you will find you are much happier in life.
But as long as you keep posting this, everyone will know that you are still compensating for the void in your life instead of trying to fill it.
I hope you find what you are looking for.