Tyb
https://www.1tsc.army.mil/
https://www.dvidshub.net/feature/OperationSpartanShield
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1st_Sustainment_Command_(Theater)
discrepancy between 1970 and 2006
Shouldn't he be in a retirement village, knocking on deaths door?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Soros
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White House Staff To Fit Joe Biden With A Jingle Bell Collar So They Can Find Him When He Wanders Off
WASHINGTON, DC — In an ingenious move commonly used by pet owners, White House staff members have announced that they will be fitting Joe Biden with a custom-made jingle bell collar that will make it easier for them to locate the wayward President when he wanders off aimlessly.
"I did the same thing with my dog Ringworm when he would just disappear sometimes," said Rebecca Gaffney, a special aide to the President who previously worked as a special needs nanny. "With how frequently the President absent-mindedly wanders away through the White House halls, having a way to find him quickly will make things easier for all of us."
Members of the President's elite Secret Service detail have been frustrated since Biden took office and have tried various methods of restraint and containment to no avail. "We used baby gates at the beginning, but he still managed to step over them despite his lack of physical coordination," said Chris Wilson, the Secret Service agent tasked with keeping tabs on the President. "After that, we tried using a leash, but we had to take it off for photo ops and press conferences and he would find a way to roam off every time."
At publishing time, White House staff were awaiting the arrival of the special collar while attempting to keep the President corralled in the West Wing. "If this doesn't work, who knows what we'll have to try next," Wilson said. "I'd hate to have to resort to using a shock collar with an invisible fence on someone in the President's condition."
https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-staff-to-fit-joe-biden-with-a-jingle-bell-collar-so-they-can-find-him-when-he-wanders-off
White House Promises To Walk Back Biden Statement Once Their Codebreakers Decipher It
WASHINGTON, DC — The expert codebreaking team at the NSA is working to decipher all the statements Biden made in his speech today, which the White House has promised to walk back as soon as they figure out what on earth he was saying.
"We have all our top minds and most powerful AI working around the clock to determine what Biden meant when he said 'The Republicans are taking credit for the budsdacunclapsn.'" said Special Agent Buggs Derpflibbit. "Whatever he meant, I think we are confident in saying the official White House position is exactly the opposite."
"Lebbinkrurumplit!" said Biden in response to the news. "Gargbargentwaddle iddit blargh simlaqupple!"
Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre confirmed to reporters that Biden really meant to remind the American people that the economy is doing great, democracy is at stake in November, and climate change will kill everyone in 2 weeks. "Those are the official positions of the White House, and you should just assume that's what Biden is saying if you don't understand him," said Jean-Pierre.
NSA codebreakers got stuck, however, after attempting to decipher Biden's disturbing story about "having a history" with a female friend going back to when she was 12 and he was 30. "I'm not sure what to make of that," said Special Agent Derpflibbit. "It's possible he's just a major weirdo."
https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-promises-to-walk-back-biden-statement-once-their-codebreakers-decipher-it
Matt Walsh Accused Of Endangering Nazis By Sharing Pictures Of Auschwitz
NASHVILLE, TN — Matt Walsh is once again stirring up controversy after he shared pictures of Nazi death camps on his Twitter account with the words "We must never let this kind of evil happen ever again." Critics have called his social media posts a clear incitement to violence against Nazi people.
"This kind of irresponsible and inflammatory rhetoric from Matt Walsh could lead to real-world violence against Nazi loyalists who put Jews in concentration camps," said US Rep Rashida Tlaib. "It's important to remember that concentration camps were run by medical professionals and that no one was sent there until they turned 18. Jews have the right to live in concentration camps, which the Nazi PR reps told me they agreed to voluntarily. Matt Walsh is a hateful bigot who wants to incite terroristic violence against the proud German people."
Representatives from Twitter and Facebook released statements acknowledging the danger Matt Walsh poses to the public safety and mental health of mass-murdering antisemites, and confirmed they are deliberating internally about how to address it. "We are troubled by what we've seen from this account," said Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal. "This kind of violent conservative rhetoric should have no place on our platform."
At publishing time, Matt Walsh was finally suspended from Twitter for inciting violence against Al-Qaeda after he shared photos of 9/11.
https://babylonbee.com/news/matt-walsh-accused-of-endangering-nazis-by-sharing-sharing-pictures-of-auschwitz
In Continued Push For Gender Neutrality, Air Force Removes All Flight Sticks From Planes
EL PASO, CO — The U.S. Air Force has continued its initiative for a more inclusive, and gender-neutral military by removing all flight sticks from their planes — effective immediately.
"The flight control stick is yet another oppressive symbol of the Patriarchy and its incessant will to dominate and control others. And it's shaped like a phallus. That's why we are happy to announce that this outdated, bigoted relic is being removed from all aircraft today," said General Pat Leslie (they/them) while ripping out another flight stick and stomping it to dust. "We believe in an equitable, gender-neutral environment. An environment where hate has no place in our cockpits — our erm personpits!"
This move by the Air Force has been praised by democrats and the media for making such a bold, powerful, and progressive statement with this change. Many stated that they hope to see other divisions of the U.S. military follow suit and remove gear shifters from all military ground vehicles.
According to sources, implementing the "no flight control sticks in planes" rule has not been without its challenges. Reports indicate birthing persons and prostate owners have been wrecking the planes before takeoff at twice their normal rate.
At publishing time, the U.S. Air Force received intel that they needed to scramble planes to intercept incoming hostile aircraft, but they were having trouble getting their planes to lift off while being controlled by a steering wheel instead.
https://babylonbee.com/news/in-continued-push-for-gender-neutrality-air-force-removes-all-flight-sticks-from-planes
Sound like santa's bells are jingling.
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