>>17856221

Tyb

Confirm Handoff

New Elf On The Shelf Will Scan Your Social Media Account To See If You Misgendered Anyone

NORTH POLE – A spokesman for Santa's Workshop today announced the organization's latest advance in their ongoing efforts to determine who's naughty and who's nice: an Elf on the Shelf with the ability to hack into and review social media accounts for examples of misgendering and other hate speech.

Gilford McTwinklebottom, Director of Research and Development for Naughtiness Surveillance, told gathered reporters, "Our new Elf represents the cutting edge of naughty detection technology. Our scientists were able to combine normal elf DNA with a strain of highly volatile DNA that we were able to obtain from Taylor Lorenz. We then combined that with the same technology that shows you a bunch of Metamucil ads on your Instagram feed whenever you say you have to go to the bathroom. The result is the perfect Elf on the Shelf, and something that is not at all creepy to have in your house watching you all the time."

Developers say the new E.O.T.S. will spend days observing normal naughty behavior, like tantrums or hiding in the pantry while you eat brownies and drink wine. But at night, the elf will use its advanced capabilities to review all household social media accounts to make sure that everyone acknowledges that "Trans! People! Are! People!" and that there are no suspicious likes or shares of Elon Musk, Tulsi Gabbard, or that pillow guy.

"Just be good, for goodness sake!" continued Mr. McTwinklebottom. "As long as everyone behaves, you'll never find yourself on the FBI's naughty list. Did I say FBI? I meant Santa! Santa's naughty list! Whoops! Ha ha!"

Mr. Twinklebottom then announced he was leaving Santa's Workshop to manage the App Store for Apple.

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-elf-on-the-shelf-will-scan-your-social-media-account-to-see-if-you-misgendered-anyone

Tim Cook Says He's Ready To Pull Twitter From App Store Once President Xi Gives The Order

CUPERTINO, CA — Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he's prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he's waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.

"I never make a business decision without first consulting the great and magnificent President Xi, blessings on his name," said Cook in a statement. "My company lives to serve the People's Republic of China and The Chinese Communist Party, and I will resign myself to his divine will."

"If he gives the order, Twitter will be gone from the App Store."

Cook emphasized, however, that the popular Chinese spy and child exploitation app TikTok will always have a platform in the App Store. "TikTok is an essential tool for advancing Chinese interests around the world and for protecting my cheap slave labor in the country. It will never be removed."

Chinese authorities have thanked Cook for his statement and promised to have updated orders for the tech company within a week.

At publishing time, Google claimed they were not beholden to China in any way, but that they would do whatever Apple did.

https://babylonbee.com/news/apple-announces-they-are-prepared-to-pull-twitter-from-app-store-as-soon-as-president-xi-gives-the-order

>>17856265

On Epstein's robe, see the square on an angle with a small one inside it?

I have seen this on a human traffickers 4 story graffiti tag, to other cannibal murderers.

What is this symbol called?

What does this symbol mean?

>>17856276

no.