Imagine getting raped as a kid by a fucking gorilla
Stay positive, get the treatment done anything to live as far as you can, cancers are about to be thing of the past. You don't have to follow your father's step, it doesn't have to be this way. You are here for a reason, dying is normal, what you are witnessing is not. Stay strong, keep those bad thoughts out of your mind. If you can get some prescription marijuana, it will help a ton to relieve stress and to keep your mind busy.