Spoopy digits confirm Avian presence.
Anyone on duty today is there because they are being punished for being a shitbird, or for a myriad of political reasons. The shitbirds will be watching the game from either the dayroom tv or from their phones. Absolutely no one in the military is paying attention to anything today.
However, not to worry, as the E-4 Mafia is standing by to defend the nation, if they have to, during commercial breaks.
>Go to your safe place.
Are you sure? I mean really sure? Because my safe place is naked except for sunglasses in a lawn chair on my front lawn with a four-foot bong and a fat bag of weed. All of which will still be technically illegal until the first major city is wiped out by space lasers.
Dubs seem to confirm your need for solar anal bleaching. Good luck and carry on.