Mornin', Swordy!
The actual function of your best man is to keep the old boyfriend from stealing your bride.
'Well, if rape is inevitable, you should just lie back and enjoy it’
Almighty, and everlasting God, Who hast appointed Thine only-begotten Son to be the Redeemer of the world, and hast been pleased to be reconciled unto us by His Blood, grant us, we beseech Thee, so to venerate with solemn worship the price of our salvation, that the power thereof may here on earth keep us from all things hurtful, and the fruit of the same may gladden us for ever hereafter in heaven. Through the same Christ our Lord.
Amen
2018 Navy Patent.