“At last, I had reached the bottom, sank to the lowest point in my history, and arriving at the
threshold of oblivion. It wasn’t a sudden, stumbling fall into Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’, but more
of an unnoticed, gradual descent; merging into a whirlpool of suffering leading to a pit of
hopelessness. I began to drift into a catatonic complacency, and thought how tragically sad
–and criminal– it was that the American people might never know anything about this story.
Suddenly I was shocked back to life – electrocuted out of my coma of self-pity and nihilistic
surrender. The battle-of-will between the morally simplistic –yet cunning– and the morally
compromised political opportunists, seem to parallel my own situation; and confirmed the
deceit, cowardice, and self-serving agendas I may inevitably have to engage and artfully redirect.
It was a slap-in-the-face lesson on political warfare and subsequent second wind I needed for the
fight soon to come.
It was a test of character. Down into the depths of the abyss of rejection I had been sunk
and there found myself staring straight into the unblinking, fang-bearing face of my Leviathan
adversary; and thereby discovered my true self.
I had now a choice: remain hidden and do nothing, or emerge and do something.
Surrender is never an option when it comes to truth.
So what could I do? I would write letters. Training was over. “