I'm at the end of my rope mentally. Have I done something wrong?
Why am I still sitting here after Oct 2017 twiddling my thumbs?
Forgive myself is a phrase I cannot seem to deal with, because I lack a goal. How can I forgive myself? Everything that's happened is let me know how it feels in a particular situation, which leads me to be a better person.
My sanity is suffering hugely. You gave me a broken wife that's like herding cattle while blindfolded through a minefield. On one hand she can be a wonderful person on the other she can be one of twenty personalities that hate me just because she was abused by men as a child. I'm sick and tired of paying for the sins of others.
That's what it boils down to in a nutshell. I feel no love.
Damnit, I can light up the world when I feel love, move mountains, cause orbits to shift. Right now wiping my ass is a struggle without love.
Introduce me to love, I need it, want it, desire it to consume my entire being. Watch me light up the world if you can give me the tools.
It seems most humans like to be fooled, they look for no other alternatives to their news sources. How can you help the blind when they think they can see clearly?
You have my instruction manual. I do not. Find a way to change my situation for the better, and give me alternatives. I need love, find a way to provide me with what I need. A nice roadster is cool, but love is so much better.
Whatever is happening to me, it is happening quickly now. If I could get that push I need from love, I can save this planet from itself, and humans from slavery. Spirituality will become in vogue very soon, there is already spontaneous prayer gatherings that are lasting weeks, and strangers from all over the world are gathering to feel more of the love they have discovered from themselves and others.
Once I was told to say 'Blue Banana" if I acknowledged the transmission. Blue Banana Baby, let's rip shit up on this earth.
I can't do this much longer, again mentally I'm falling apart at the seems. Pain is too much, it's a miracle I've stuck around for so long. If I didn't have the knowledge of you all watching over me, I would have left this movie already. You know I am not joking. So let's get on with it, it will happen sooner or later, make it happen.
Everyone reading this post, please take a moment and pray for me. Don't pray at me, pray with me, please.
Light bringer? My lighter seems to be out of fluid. Pass me some, so I can keep my lamp lit. Not even the son? That's not fair now is it?
Please respond, get my attention, and let me know if you still need me around.
It feels as if I've done my job and I'm finished.
Dammit, let me know if you still need me. Give me a damned good reason to keep watching this movie.