>I see. I want the Truth more than anything. Once I have a firm understanding of the Truth at the fundamental level, then I feel like I can live with awareness. Otherwise, I am still functioning with an incomplete picture.
If you really are seeking the Truth you must first define what Truth is. Too many have been brainwashed into believing that truth is subjective/relative and therefore your truth is as good as my truth is as good as his truth. This comes from a faulty understanding of what constitutes truth.
Consider the following definition of truth.
Truth is the 100% accurate communication of facts. I.e. truth is a second order to facts (where facts are what IS and what OCCURS) it is the 100% accurate COMMUNICATION of facts, not the facts themselves, which ARE whether communicated or not.
100% accuracy in communication of facts concerning all existence and all events (TRUTH) is an attribute of omniscience, omnipresence and immortality. Therefore Truth is an attribute of Deity. Is there any Deity who has claimed to be TRUTH? The one and only communicator of facts (particularly relating to Deity and humanity) i.e. all existence and all events?
Here's a very big hint.
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14.6