What do we do after we're awake?
How do we wake up?
I see. I want the Truth more than anything. Once I have a firm understanding of the Truth at the fundamental level, then I feel like I can live with awareness. Otherwise, I am still functioning with an incomplete picture.
As for the second: Okay.
What if I don't believe that I have?
I have always had a firm belief that after this is said and done, the next stage is going to be the real battle and that there are going to be those that have really, really unplugged that will have to lead those unplugged at initial levels.
I had a drug-induced experience where I saw fundamental 'chaos' for lack of a better term and it 'broke' my mind. Beings came with a dolly that carried something. They took the broken something out of me and replaced it with a different something and then left.
Later during another drug-induced experience, I was watching myself and others in a room being hypnotized by devices over our heads. Mine broke and I saw how everyone else was still locked in. Beings came in, dragged me out of the room and then tossed me into the same chaos that had broken me before. It didn't break me that time even though it was uncomfortable.
Imagine coming awake to that and then having to help lead others because they've no clue and it's all madness even for them.
But you're just slightly more prepared because you've mentally experienced it. You've caught a glimpse of it.
The strange part is that what you are saying are things that I KNOW. As in I KNOW them.
So, why don't I feel any different?
I'm still discovering past lives. I feel so confused, though. Identity problems? Thoughts that are "me" but from the perspective of past "me"?
I've been told things, too: reincarnated for a mission, I am going to be a great healer? A spiritual warrior? I wouldn't be fixated on this shit if I didn't take all of this with the upmost seriousness.
What does this all mean? What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't want to fail.
Still, seeing isn't apparently enough to make me realize.
Admittedly, I was going to lash out at you in frustration, so here is an apology.
It just feels so frustrating to actually see and experience so much and so frequently, but it still feels like confusion and doubt.
I know it will come to me, but the waiting is the worst part.
And now I am treating.
Thanks. That'll help me, I think.
It's difficult to find others that can actually help me about this.
That feeling is exactly how I feel and that is exactly what I know. I'm constantly reflecting on myself and I just don't add up to what my mark. There's just so much weight.
Also, no worries. Not offended by the cl-wn check.
I feel like I want to cry sometimes, even now.
Gotcha. I think I have enough now. I'm sorry. It just feels so great to be able to just talk about it for a bit.
Thank you so much. You may have no idea how much this thread has helped me tonight.Even in your response, there are things that stuck out to me, like my strange interest in the philosophical aspects of alchemy for years (I became enraptured by the visions of Zosimos), the very idea of looking towards the epics of other cultures should have stuck out to me immediately, but seeing it written here it shows its absolute brilliance.
Funny story: I am a vet.
There's the difference of believing in someone else's epics and believing that we are all a part of one. At least for me, anyway.