Pray enemies come to our side, betray their evil masters, make costly mistakes, cause grievous internal damage, or other helpful things. Death just brings zero. Seek advantage with God's help.
This is a heavy burden. If you live by the Golden Rule, you are doing your best.
Like severe Asperger's…if you don't know any different, then it's normal for you. We all have our idiosyncracies. Somewhere in the mid-30's or so, you give up on trying to fit in and realize they either click or they don't and it's nobody's fault. We're all the same, 'cuz we're all different.