Enemy:

long-term plan to nuke america to suspend constitution

gotta infiltrate all layers of government

gotta infiltrate all intelligence agencies

gotta infiltrate all military posts

put champion executive in place

begin the theft of nuclear weapons

hue hue hue they'll never find out until its too late!

 

Investigator:

hrmmm thats a lot of missing nukes

smells like insider conspiracy

can't go to IC because they are in on it

can't go to public because media is in on it

even if I get evidence, can't go to DoJ because they are in on it

getting stone walled and missing data and slow downs

hrmmm this is a toughie

 

MI:

yeah fuck that we're going all in now

call up Five Eyes to cross-reference data and expose holes

not enough… we need more context about these actors

hrmmm who has all the data about suspects at the edge of this conspiracy

 

Brain guy:

HEY BOSS DOESN'T THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER HAVE THE BAD DATA ON THESE SUSPECTS?

LIKE… ALL THE DIRT ON ACTORS AND STATESMEN AND POWERFUL PEOPLE… SINCE THE 1970s

 

MI:

If we cross reference that data with Five Eyes… then… we can build relationships and profiles and timelines and…. oh my god, analyst, you’re right! We can compromise them back!

But who in the world has the relationships with those people, has a standing grudge against these suspects, and loves revenge more than anything else?

 

Investigator:
I dunno

 

MI:

Me neither

 

Brain guy:

…. Donald Trump does

 

Everyone:

……

……

………………

holy shit
holy shit we can….

the absolute state of this timeline

 

Rodgers:

So… we’re gonna do this?

 

Everyone:
We don’t have a choice

 

Trump:
Fuck it, I’m down. Lemme make a call. Hey old pals who know all the dirt, wanna save the world for some lulz?

 

Rags:

LOLOLOLOL fuck yeah