It may sound a little confrontational, or even overtly dramatic when I recommend writing a ‘F-you’ letter to my clinical clients. But in actual fact, it is a gift on so many levels.

People’s initial reaction is that this exercise is going to confrontational on a number of levels. They instantly have a defensive reaction and want to avoid having to deal with the trigger person who has pushed their buttons.

Let’s be very upfront and clear.

We NEVER send the F*ck-You letter. Never ever do you send the F-You letter to the recipient. NEVER.

I hope I made that clear enough. The actual purpose of the F*ck-You letter is for you to detach. Let me explain that a little more.

Most people don’t realise that the F*ck-You letter is a passive form of expressive communication. The exercise is a gift for you to release, to detach from the other person.

The written action is a gift to mentally let go of all the stuff that has been triggered within you, to be released to the universe. Here’s a number of reasons why the F*ck-You letter is so helpful in you owning and working through your stuff.

It’s not always safe for us to say our bit.

There are times whereby the other party who has pushed your buttons so hard you want to scream or lash out. They may have become so heated or their emotions have escalated to a point where they are out of control. You can’t negotiate with someone in this state.

You have to realise the other person is stuck in defending their way, no matter the cost. Their mental response and subsequent behavioural patterning will result in you not being heard. Your viewpoint will not be acknowledged. They are running a program called ‘fight till the death’.

They may have a history of violence, or simply a tendency to be aggressive whilst in their defensive behavioural language (body or verbal). Never risk your personal safety just to have your point of view heard.