pretty sure Allah said otherwise in eccelesiastes and job
^5
kek. that sounds like my entire childhood. im a dad now. time for my kids to have what I did.
⠀
i was in my brother's room listening to music when my mother called out that dinner was ready. I hurried down the stairs to get my plate and asked my mom if I could have the first one but she told me "no, the man of the house gets the first plate." she served dad, came back, and made me the second. i took that plate and walked towards the foot of the table.
I stopped just before an opening between the dining room and the living room to think about where I wanted to sit. I looked at my father just before a gunshot hits him in the chest causing blood to gush out. i dropped my plate, shut my eyes, and covered my ears. when I opened my eyes I noticed my father writhing in pain still but only a moment before another gunshot hits him in the head, causing more blood to spill out.
I shut down. I just stood there frozen in disbelief with my eyes wide open and no choice but to witness the chaos. my father wobbled a little more before he slumped over and fell along with the chair he was in. right in front of me maybe 10 feet away. his blood oozed from his 2 wounds.
my mother ran in from the kitchen and kneeled down to lift his head. she screamed at him, "honey, are you alright? are you ok?" after realizing he was gone, she noticed me still standing there watching. she told me to run but I was frozen. she yelled at me a couple more times and I snapped out of it and ran through the opening towards the front door. but then another gunshot went off and a bullet wizzed right by my head. I jumped back to where I was and again was forced to watch more chaos.
that last bullet hit and shattered a sliding glass door that was behind my mother and father. it shattered right on to my brother's neck who was trying to dial 911 on a phone line that didnt work. he fell over behind my mother and bled to death. again, I was forced watch my mother sit there with the blood and chaos all around her. this is when another brother picked me up and ran me to safety.
I was 6
my biggest fear is experiencing a similar death
they started over a year ago. i asked to be returned to normal and it's been happening, albeit slowly. my limbic system was shut down for decades. i'm starting to feel more than just fear now. there's some joy now. it's weird emerging from a decades long amygdala hijacking.