Some of your long standing beliefs may be weapons being used against you, to keep you in a place where real life is impossible, and submission to the will of others is the only possibility. Consider in all things what you actually know about the world, and how things relate to each other. Consider what you actually see, and what others are actually seeing.
>God wins
Obviously. But do you actually have a personal relationship with God, or are there others standing between you and God acting as gate keepers and arbiters of what you're allowed to know/believe about God?