Mike Johnson was at a graduation ceremony and told someone they deserve a pat on the back. They fainted, because they were not wearing a stab-proof vest.

A man noticed the the weather forecast said no rain, and they always get it wrong, so he bought an umbrella. Mike Johnson saw him and said "It's not supposed to rain today, why do you have an umbrella?" He then bought a boat.

Mike Johnson held a high dive competition the other day. The pool was empty.