https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/aug/12/trump-maga-divide-son-father

My son was struggling – then he fell for Trump’s toxic brand of ‘masculinity’. I’m heartbroken

didn’t get a call from my son on Father’s Day this year. Our political disagreements have made things hard.

I’m a 59-year-old progressive and a special education teacher, and I’m voting for Kamala Harris in November. Nick* is 21, and he would say that he holds traditional, conservative values – but he’s conflating those values with radical Maga ideas, which correlate the right with patriotism, manhood, intelligence, independence and honesty. I understand where my son’s vulnerabilities came from, and why this rightwing posturing was able to seep into him. I understand it, but I still regret it.

Nick’s mom and I wanted to teach our son that democracy is an active sport. You don’t just sit back and watch. We lived in Houston, in the belly of the petrochemical beast, and I remember going to a demonstration against Halliburton, the Iraq war, and Dick Cheney’s role in the company. Groups brought puppets – it was almost like street theater – and we rolled Nick along in his stroller. That was the community we were plugged into: artists, musicians, teachers, writers. That’s how Nick came up.

Nick was a sweet kid. He was really quiet. He’s on the upper end of the autism spectrum, so he can have difficulty interpreting social cues. All he wanted to do was follow whatever the big kids were doing.

Nick never found a person that he could really link or vibe with. He loves animals, though. We let him get a dog when he was young, and that allowed him to be more than a follower. He was all about serving the dog’s interest. I’ve seen Nick’s heart melt – he can’t tolerate cruelty to animals or people who are vulnerable, which feels ironic, given his politics now.

Some of the older guys at school who Nick was trying to emulate were really into building computers, hacking and the dark web. He got online as a teen, joined some far-right message boards, and I think that’s where he got massaged into these rightwing positions. He started echoing those points, and then he got praise from whatever knuckleheads posted that crap – it became a spiral. Nick was kind of lost, but on the internet, he was able to be a different person, to have more confidence and show off how bright he is. Some of the older guys at school who Nick was trying to emulate were really into building computers, hacking and the dark web. He got online as a teen, joined some far-right message boards, and I think that’s where he got massaged into these rightwing positions. He started echoing those points, and then he got praise from whatever knuckleheads posted that crap – it became a spiral. Nick was kind of lost, but on the internet, he was able to be a different person, to have more confidence and show off how bright he is. Some of the older guys at school who Nick was trying to emulate were really into building computers, hacking and the dark web. He got online as a teen, joined some far-right message boards, and I think that’s where he got massaged into these rightwing positions. He started echoing those points, and then he got praise from whatever knuckleheads posted that crap – it became a spiral. Nick was kind of lost, but on the internet, he was able to be a different person, to have more confidence and show off how bright he is.

We had moved to the Bay Area in 2017, after Trump won the election. Nick was 15 or 16 when he said that he liked Trump. I can understand how Trump appealed to a childish sensibility: he’s this clownish figure who does whatever he wants.

I also know that when you come of age, you want to reject your parents’ beliefs. My father was a Reagan Republican who was really old school, values wise. A lot of my political development was a rejection of his values, so I wonder now how much of Nick’s fascination with Maga is a reaction against the way I brought him up.

I’ve never been a macho kind of man. To me, our biggest responsibility as humans is to look after each other. Men have been given places of privilege in society, so when people talk about being a man, to me that means: what do you use your privilege for? I worked at a pirate radio station in Houston, and we helped with emergency efforts during Tropical Storm Allison in 2001. For me, manhood is all about using your energy to make life better for the person next to you. . .cont. in article