Report: Millions Of Garbage Bags Seen Lining Up Outside Polling Stations

BabylonBee

U.S. — In a bizarre sight, tens of millions of garbage bags have been reported gathering outside polling stations across America, eager to cast their vote for former President Donald Trump.

"It's the craziest thing. These garbage bags started lining up 6 a.m., and they just kept coming," said election worker Dave Stanton, surveying the mile-long line of garbage. "That's some seriously motivated garbage."

According to exit polls, a remarkable one hundred percent of the garbage planned on voting for Trump, without exception. "We had no idea how many bags of garbage there were in this country," said pollster Richard Blinken. "Millions and millions have rolled up to the voting booths, and they just keep coming. Incredible, there's not a single one voting for Kamala. I've never seen anything like it."

Despite being labeled deplorable refuse, the bags of garbage seemed to feel a sense of hope and dignity in casting their ballots. "I know I'm just trash that powerful people want to get rid of, but I'm still holding out hope," said one bag of garbage as he left the polling station. "I really believe that us lowly pieces of garbage can make America great again."

At publishing time, the garbage bags had expressed thanks that at least no one thought of them as hateful Nazis.

https://babylonbee.com/news/report-millions-of-garbage-bags-seen-lining-up-outside-polling-station

https://x.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1851661045749645810

California Man Arrested For Showing I.D. To Vote

BabylonBee

LOS ANGELES, CA — A local early voting precinct was briefly thrown into disarray today, as a man was arrested for showing his I.D. to vote.

Authorities said Justin Davis arrived at the voting location at around 9:00 A.M. and presented his driver's license to horrified poll workers who immediately called the police to report the blatant act of racism.

"There's no place for this type of lawlessness in California," said Los Angeles Police Department spokesperson Sgt. Paul Marquez. "We received a tip that there was a man showing his I.D. to vote here, which is a brazen violation of California law. Our officers arrived quickly to apprehend this monster. I'm just glad we were able to get him off the street before he could show his identification to anyone else. This place just keeps getting more dangerous."

When reached for comment, California Governor Gavin Newsom cited this latest incident as a perfect example of why voter I.D. laws should never be allowed. "Just look at the harm this man caused," Newsom told reporters. "Here he is — obviously a dangerous right-wing white supremacist — walking into a polling location and showing his I.D. Such bigotry will not be tolerated on my watch. We will continue to strive to make California a place where nobody knows who is voting, whether they can legally do so, or what happens to anyone's ballot after it's been cast. That leads to free and fair elections — the California way."

At publishing time, Justin Davis had been charged with hate crimes, found guilty, and sentenced to three consecutive life sentences.

https://babylonbee.com/news/california-man-arrested-for-showing-id-to-vote