>>2259418 (lb)

you totally get it…

There is no shortage unfortunately I am grateful

everyday that i didn't get it worse than i did.

how you wer able to disassociate/switch (I did the same)

thats what makes the difference for sure.

It happened, I remember it, but i dont feel like i was there,

and now its just a memories like a movie. So much

other trauma has happend since i was a kid,

the old stuff only comes up when I see

intemacy in a movie/show or if i sleep with

a woman and its a one/night type of thing…

Makes me feel really terrible.

I wish my interest/intent was noble,

but i feel like its just a shallow desire for complexity and challenge.

The mystery is gone at this point and "chase"

is more like work and following an ikea manual

on how to build a table that i dont even want,

and will just get replaced in 6/mo

not trying to be demeaning or condescend like

i'm fucking special or anything, Just feel really

fuckin alienated/grossed out by myself and

"the scene"

thanks for understanding no one out

here knows (pretty embarrassing), and i dont talk

to anyone from where i came from so its

really helpful to speak to someone who

has an informed opinion.

Night bruv