Hi. I am Speaker Paul Ryan.
I am a corporatist, establishment whore.
I was handpicked by John Boehner to continue the looting of the Treasury for various American industrialists.
I have been forced upon the Republican caucus mainly due to the false premise that I am a 'POLICY WONK'.
Yet, I have NEVER passed a single fucking budget.
When Trump's 'pussy tape' came out I made it clear that I would never support Trump, his agenda (and therefore I will never support American citizens that support Trump).
I was installed as Mitt Romney's VP selection in the 2012 Presidential Election to try and convince the American voter that I am a man of gravitas.
My involvement in that race did not move the needle with the public.
When I accepted the Speakership I would only do so if I had full support of the Republican caucus.
I have been undermining Trump during his entire Presidency.
I fucked up the repeal of Obamacare.
I will not fund the wall.
I am for open borders.
I pretend to be the moral voice of the House.
I resigned (effective at the end of my current term) because Trump broke me and revealed to the American people the extent of my dishonesty.
Although my two heirs apparent, Scalise and McCarthy DO NOT have the votes to replace me as leader of the Republican House membership, my 'resignation' effectively released the pressure on me to step down immediately.
My guys cannot win but we can and are blocking the Freedom Caucus and all the Trumptards from manning the wheel of the House.
My name is Paul Ryan and I pretend to be an alpha male.
But I am only a douche.