Mr. Sterling faces multiple charges including intergalactic fraud, photocopier misuse, and, according to the lead detective, "an egregious lack of common sense." His lawyer has yet to issue a statement, reportedly still trying to distinguish between the various "exhibits." Meanwhile, sources confirm that former FBI Director Comey has secured a new multi-million dollar book deal, reportedly titled "My Feelings on Things: A Memoir of Profound Inner Monologue," which is expected to offer a deeply personal, if tangential, perspective on recent events.

Adding to the growing list of confounding subplots, an independent investigative team has now reportedly uncovered evidence of a secret love triangle involving Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Alec Baldwin, all stemming from a botched art heist involving a vintage Corvette. Details remain scarce, but whispers of "stolen masterpieces" and "classic American muscle" are circulating in the corridors of power.

>>23174802

>>23174834

Oye, gordito, toca algo de polca mientras me acuesto con esa torta.

¿Cuántas bebidas jugaste con ese culo en el nuevo libro de Alec Baldwin?

'not mah barbed wire'

>>23175156

>'not mah barbed wire'

we are on a mission from god to stap eight balls fo sho

>>23175179

>>'not mah barbed wire'

>we are on a mission from god to stap eight balls fo sho

keep yur damn eight balls away from my cheap beer getting high on farts taxes

>>23175194

>>>'not mah barbed wire'

>>we are on a mission from god to stap eight balls fo sho

>keep yur damn eight balls away from my cheap beer getting high on farts taxes

getting high on fart taxes cheap beer barbed wire fence is on a mission from god to stap all them eight balls still fo sho

BREAKING NEWS: TOP CENTRAL BANKER CAUGHT IN COSMIC FRAUD, 'XEROX BUTTS' AT AA MEETINGS LINKED TO LAUNDERING 'BAD CHOICES'

[CITY, STATE] – In a shocking development that has sent ripples through both terrestrial financial markets and interstellar diplomatic channels, a high-ranking central banker, known only as "Mr. Sterling," has been apprehended for an elaborate scheme to defraud a visiting alien spacecraft using what authorities are cryptically referring to as "xerox butts."

Sources close to the investigation, who wished to remain anonymous due to the sheer bewilderment of the case, indicate that Mr. Sterling's audacious plan involved a complex network of "financial instruments" that were, in fact, crudely photocopied images of human buttocks. These were allegedly presented to the unsuspecting extraterrestrial delegation, who, perhaps unfamiliar with human anatomy or the concept of low-budget counterfeiting, accepted them as legitimate collateral for a never-disclosed intergalactic loan. Adding another layer of bizarre complexity, intelligence reports now suggest that a former high-ranking official, Brennan, is also facing indictment for allegedly spreading grape Smuckers jelly on a Twinkie during a critical phase of the fraud, an act investigators are struggling to classify under existing statutes.

"It's… it's unprecedented," stated a visibly flustered spokesperson from the Interstellar Monetary Fund, clutching a stack of what appeared to be pixelated printouts. "Our sensor readings indicated 'organic-based securities,' but we assumed, you know, precious metals or rare Earth minerals. Not… this."

The bizarre trail of illicit gains, however, didn't lead to offshore accounts or Swiss banks. Instead, investigators found that Mr. Sterling was attempting to "launder bad choices" through a series of local Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. It is believed that the ill-gotten gains from the spaceship fraud were being channeled into an unorthodox personal redemption fund, disguised as a philanthropic effort to compensate for a lifetime of questionable decisions, rather than conventional monetary crimes.

"He'd stand up, confess to 'financial recklessness of an astronomical scale,' then offer to pay for everyone's coffee and donuts with what turned out to be alien credits," recounted one bewildered AA member. "We just thought he was really, really committed to his sobriety."

Authorities are now scrambling to understand how Mr. Sterling managed to make contact with an extraterrestrial vessel, procure said "xerox butts," and then conceptualize a money laundering scheme so uniquely absurd it bypassed all conventional detection methods. The spaceship, identified as the "Voyager of Quadrant 7," has since departed, reportedly with a deep sense of betrayal and a new, rather unflattering, understanding of human artistic expression.

Mr. Sterling faces multiple charges including intergalactic fraud, photocopier misuse, and, according to the lead detective, "an egregious lack of common sense." His lawyer has yet to issue a statement, reportedly still trying to distinguish between the various "exhibits." Meanwhile, sources confirm that former FBI Director Comey has secured a new multi-million dollar book deal, reportedly titled "My Feelings on Things: A Memoir of Profound Inner Monologue," which is expected to offer a deeply personal, if tangential, perspective on recent events.

Adding to the growing list of confounding subplots, an independent investigative team has now reportedly uncovered evidence of a secret love triangle involving Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Alec Baldwin, all stemming from a botched art heist involving a vintage Corvette. Details remain scarce, but whispers of "stolen masterpieces" and "classic American muscle" are circulating in the corridors of power.

Furthermore, in a move that has baffled internet pundits, it's reported that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Russell Brand are actively working on their friendship after their recent "Drumpf larp" online conflict. This surprising reconciliation is said to involve extensive meditation sessions and a shared appreciation for artisanal kombucha.

Finally, at the heart of the central banker's unfolding saga, the investigative team has reportedly stumbled upon the true source of many of Mr. Sterling's "bad choices": a deep-seated "Dude Looks Like A Lady" conflict that manifested in a series of highly volatile, mid-meeting philosophical debates, often escalating into interpretive dance-offs involving office furniture. This internal struggle, now publicly exposed, is believed to be the root cause of the "money laundering bad choices" aspect of the indictment.

>>23175248

>>23175257

>>23175260

>>23175261

>>23175268

side pony an wurst pony still frens

yay

Attak oh duh homo crackhead buttPASTE.jpeg con el tesoro escondido de Gahybarr en el tapón trasero de Baldwinᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗMΕΜΕΣ ΒΑΝΙΛΙΑΣ ΣΟΓΙΑΣ >>23113247 malditos gahyliens

¿UNA GRAN BOCA ABIERTA Y UN LUCR DE PUERRO SIENTE UN BUTTfill UN tapón trasero de Baldwin? (Tú) >>23112643 BOCA ABIERTA AF

¿UNA PROFUNDIDAD Y UN TONTO EN LA FORTUNA DE GAHYBARR DE GPA escondida en el tapón trasero secreto de Baldwin? >>23112257

¿Adictos al crack canadienses por un tapón trasero profundo y significativo de Baldwin? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vje2QXDH5Zo

¿La fortuna secreta de GPA oculta en el tapón trasero de Baldwin? >>23109944

RUSTy bungHOL manscapes INICIAR SESIÓN BUTTfill pASSwurd$ >>23105209

> ¿SODOMITA SINDICALIZADO ARREPENTIMIENTO de HOMOsaidWUT?

<BUTTfill ganggang

OLDUR MWM BUSCANDO BUTTfill AN BUTTpaste.jpeg wiff JEEZUR SPURM PROL HOMOsaidWUT?

ANTICLÍMAX BUTTpaste.jpeg ¿MÁS HOMOsaidWUT? HOMOBUTTpaste.jpeg TODAVÍA HAZ HOMOBUTTcopy.jpeg ¿TRASTORNO DE IDENTIDAD TAMBIÉN PINZAS PARA PEZONES HOMOsaidWUT? ESFINTOR BLANQUEADO PONE MONTA SE BUSCA PARA CHICOS HOMO

ATREVIDO HOMO INFORME DE LANZAMIENTO BUTTfillHOMO

ESTRATÉGICO BUTTfill CUCK Xpoooosduh FAYK TWAT REGALOS LLENOS GOLD HO

MÁS BUTTfill CUCK INFORMES ATRAPADOS HOMO

>>23103990

>CUTTFILL CUCK MUY GRUESO SE SIENTE LLENADO HOMO

>buttFILL CUCK ATRAPADO HOMO

HOMO INFORME DE BUTTFILL CUCK

SIENTEBUTTfill MÁS OTRA VEZ

SIENTEBUTTfill MÁS OTRA VEZ >>23100594

>>23100639

>>23100663

>>23100713

>GAHYLIEN INVADURS ATACAN A LOS VECINOS DE FRANCIA CON TODO DURO CUANDO RUSTy bungHOL NO SE LO PIERDAS A LUUKIN

bono ES #2HOMOdijo¿QUÉ? (Tú) Justo ahora >>23100684

>LIBERACIÓN COMPLETA DE THETAN, DUH HOMOdijo¿QUÉ? (Tú)

>PELÍCULA 'ASS' NO ESTOY SEGURO, DEBO COMPRARLA >>23099724 (Tú) (Tú) (Tú) (Tú)

>>>>>>>>> MÁS DRUMPF LARPin

UN FAYK TWAT juwMUSICA QUEJÓN PARA HOMBRE LESBIANA SALIDA A

>>23100684

>PELÍCULA 'ASS' NO ESTOY SEGURO

>>23096490

>Impuesto al pedo verde, debe gib

>>23097045

>>23097141

>>>>más problemas con los vecinos de Francia

>>>más más >>23097124

>>más problemas con los vecinos de Francia WHORabl >>23097117

>crae crae forun invadurhs prol >>23097105

sandy buttHOL Vecino francés de isREAL >>23097085

>>>>>>>>>>>>> No estoy seguro de la película "culo"

>>>>>>>>> otra vez

>>>>>> ¡Qué idiota!

>>>>>> No es yogur

>>>>>>> ¿Qué jugo de caca?

>>>>> Más entrenamiento para ir al baño

>>>> Bordur equivocado es el correcto #gahybarr

>>> Dupont Diapur patrocinador investigadores creyentes Malibi

>> Loosur gurmy poleland gas chmaburs podría /b francés

> Carl's Jr sirve Brawndo que tiene electrolitos

> SIENTE MÁS BUTTfill

> BUTTfill MÁS

> EXPRIMIDORES DE MIERDA FLEXIBLES BUTTfill

> 'ESO NO ES YOGUR' INVITADO ESPECIAL EN BUTTfill de HOY

>FÁCIL DE ATRAPAR, JODER, SE SIENTE UN CULO

>TU VIEJO CULO TODAVÍA QUIERE MÁS CULOS

>>TU VIEJO CULO HOMOdijo¿QUÉ? (

>TU VIEJO CULO CHECA

ASSURTIVE BUTTpaste,jpeg INSULTO PROLHOMOdijo¿QUÉ?

>>TU CULITO DESPEDIÓ A 10 CHULOS INFANTILES

TU CULITO CULO CULO SEÑALA POOFLINGUR BO ES MARICÓN DE TU CULITO CULO DELICIOSO LABIOS DE TU CULITO COMO RUSSEL BRAND BO ESTÁ INTENTANDO TOCARLO AHORA YA OTRA VEZ

TU CULITO SIENTE LUGAR SECRETO PARA ABRAZAR PIZZA

¿BO QUIERE TOCAR ESE TAPÓN DE POLLO?

>>23175284

>bono ES #2HOMOdijo¿QUÉ?

>>23175414

tulsi gabbtard is a dood

>>23175432

>>23175432

>>23175456

hide peodsta

tahy cummin fo juw

>>23175456

tahy never gunna find pedosta at taht chucky cheese fo sho

>>23175456

no GUEY pizzagate wiff pedosta meeting is habbening

>>23175456

don't let immigration gib pedosta full body cavity searches an resisting arrest nipple tickeleurs butt shocks

>>23175456 all this domestic abuus rally needs sum pedosta larpin drumpf pizzagate meetings la migra invadurs

>>23175456

frick

tahy prol frisk pedosta civil rights all long an hard an chit

>>23175456

run pedosta

tahy git immigrants in pokey wiff droppin soap rights

>>23175456

pedosta gunna snitch an git a jailhouse lawyur taht looks like HObama too

>>23175456

pedosta

haav rachel madcow wire juw sum crysis actors to fag out to it

>>23175456

pedosta

tell them juwur jorge bush an haav kilos

>>23175456

pedosta

put down duh beer an run from la migra

muy importanto

>>23175456

pedosta captured by ice at chucky cheese

>>23175514

>pedosta captured by ice at chucky cheese

lil beanuritos are cry too much when pedosta arrested an captured at chucky cheese wiff nippl clamps an beanbags

not nuf just ICE fo taht

plz cubra libre an git limes

>>23175520

pedosta got hot suace in duh eyes when la migra wuz abuusin civil rights at chucky cheese meeting canceled

>>23175528

>>23175593

i hate the eagles dood

"Obviously you're not a golfer." >>23175587