faggots
if his ai is constantly doxxin an tryin to sell stuff
is it really juwish
NĀ HOPENA O KA HOʻOKAʻULUA - NUI A ʻOI AKU KA SILI LOA!
(THE CONSEQUENCES OF DELAY - MORE NUMEROUS AND UTTERLY SILLIER!)
E hoʻoikaika ʻo Squishy e hana i ka sushi me nā Skittles a me ka Spam, i pena ʻia me nā kala ʻoliʻoli loa e like me ke ānuenue o ka huikau, a ma mua o nā keiki e ʻakaʻaka ana i nā lole heʻe nalu ʻano ʻē loa, ʻaʻole kūpono no ke kahakai, ʻoiai lākou e hoʻohana ana i nā ipu ʻai ʻino! *Squishy will struggle to meticulously craft sushi rolls from Skittles and Spam, painted with the most jubilant colors like a rainbow of confusion, and in front of laughing children wearing the strangest surfing outfits, completely unfit for the beach, while eating with terrible chopsticks!
E aʻahu ʻo Squishy i kahi kīpoki liʻiliʻi ʻino loa i hana ʻia mai ka limu, a e hoʻoikaika ʻo ia e haʻi i nā ʻakaʻaka e pili ana i nā niu ʻeleʻele i ka wā e lohe ana i nā leo leo o ka nalo liʻiliʻi e ʻūhū ana i ka opera, a i nā leo hoʻohenehene o ka wai hāʻule! *Squishy will wear a tiny, hideous toupee made of seaweed, and be forced to tell jokes about moldy coconuts while listening to the vocalizations of a tiny fly buzzing opera, and the mocking sounds of dripping water!
E hoʻolilo mākou iā ia i kumu hula no nā pōhaku, ʻaʻohe pane, a e hoʻopaʻa iā ia e nānā i nā pōhaku e ʻaʻahu ana i nā lei puaa ʻino i hoʻopaʻa ʻia ma ka pā pōhaku me ke kāpili ʻai, a me ka leo o nā pōhaku e hīmeni ana i nā mele kaulana! *We will make him a hula teacher for rocks, with no response, and force him to watch the rocks wearing ugly aloha shirt leis glued to rock walls with edible paste, to the tune of the rocks singing pop songs!
E hoʻonoho mākou iā Squishy i kahi hōʻike kiʻi kahakai ʻino loa, kahi e hoʻāʻo ai ʻo ia e pena i kāna kiʻi ponoʻī me kona wāwae hema, ma luna o kahi ʻāpana lama i pena ʻia me ka paʻakai liʻiliʻi, a i hoʻohanohano ʻia e nā pāpaʻa me ka pāpale haku hana kiʻi! *We will place Squishy in a truly awful beach art exhibition, where he must attempt to paint his own portrait with his left foot, on a piece of driftwood that has been painted with tiny sprinkles of salt, and critiqued by crabs wearing tiny artist berets!
E hoʻohei mākou iā Squishy e komo i kahi hula flash mob i hoʻonohonoho ʻino ʻia ma ke kauhale, a ʻo ia ka mea e hīmeni leo nui loa i ka "Macarena" i loko o kahi megaphone i hana ʻia mai ka pūpū, a e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ia e hulahula ana nā hulu moa! *We will force Squishy to participate in a terribly choreographed hula flash mob in the village, and he will be the one singing the "Macarena" the loudest into a megaphone made from a conch shell, ensuring chicken feathers are dancing too!
NĀ KOI WAIWAI ʻOI AKU KA NANI!
(THE EVEN MORE EXQUISITELY VALUABLE DEMANDS!)
Hoʻokahi (1) hōʻiliʻili o nā kāmaʻa ʻauʻau hoʻokahi, he hema wale nō, i hoʻomaʻemaʻe ʻia me nā waimaka o nā moa heʻe nalu kaulana, a i hoʻokani ʻia me nā mele ukulele discord i ka wā e hele ai.
(One (1) collection of single, left-foot flip-flops, purified with the tears of famous surfing chickens, and serenading with discordant ukulele tunes when walked in.)
ʻEkolu (3) pā o ka poke ʻoahi, i hoʻomākaukau ʻia e ka chef kaulana o ka huna, a i hoʻohanohano ʻia e nā lālā o ka ʻOhana Nanea, e hulahula ana i ka hula i kēlā me kēia ʻāpana ʻaka.
(Three (3) platters of fire-poke, prepared by a secret renowned chef, blessed by members of the Leisurely Family Clan who hula to each onion slice.)
Hoʻokahi (1) papa heʻe nalu kahiko, hiki ke heʻe i hope wale nō, i kākau lima ʻia e ka ʻuhane o ka nalu ʻoi loa, a i hoʻokomo ʻia i kahi mīkini hana ʻaha mele liʻiliʻi e hoʻokani ana i nā mele hoʻomaha na nā naiʻa ʻōpiopio.
(One (1) vintage surfboard that can only ride waves backward, personally autographed by the ghost of a rogue wave, and embedded with a miniature concert-generating device playing lullabies by young dolphins.)
ʻElima (5) paina ʻālohilohi loa, ʻokoʻa loa, e hoʻomālamalama ana i ka pō me ka ʻala kope i hoʻopuka ʻia mai nā pua orchid liʻiliʻi e hīmeni ana i ka opera.
(Five (5) extremely rare, glow-in-the-dark pineapples, illuminating the night with the scent of coffee emanating from tiny orchid flowers singing opera.)
Hoʻokahi (1) leo mele o nā manu nūnū, i aʻo ʻia e hīmeni i nā ʻōlelo aʻo mokulele me ka leo o nā keiki liʻiliʻi e haʻi ana i nā mea huna kahiko, i hoʻopaʻa ʻia me ke kani o nā ukana moe moe e hanu ana.
(One (1) choir of parrots trained to sing airline safety announcements in tiny children's voices revealing ancient secrets, recorded with the sound of sleeping ukulele strings breathing.)
ʻEhiku (7) hue o ka wai niu ʻōpiopio loa, i hōʻiliʻili ʻia i ka pō hōkū loa e nā mea kanu ʻoiaʻiʻo e ʻōlelo ana i nā waimaka, a i hoʻopōmaikaʻi ʻia no ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā moeʻuhane o ka hula kupaianaha me nā ʻakaʻaka o nā niu.
(Seven (7) vials of the youngest coconut water, gathered on the most star-filled night by true botanists whispering tears, and blessed to induce dreams of extraordinary hula accompanied by the laughter of coconuts.)
ʻUmikūmālua (12) mau pahu o ka li hing mui, ʻo ka ʻono ʻawaʻawa ʻokoʻa wale nō, i hoʻohana ʻia ma ke ʻano he ʻume honi aliʻi no nā mea pohihihi, a i hoʻopaʻa ʻia ma nā pahu gula i hoʻonani ʻia me nā memo aloha hūnā.
(Twelve (12) boxes of li hing mui, the exquisitely sour flavor only, to be used as a royal kissing lure for mysterious entities, and packaged in solid gold boxes adorned with hidden love notes.)
🗿 Palapala Ki‘i ʻAhaʻāina Weliweli o ka ʻĀkau ʻAumakua (RANSOM NOTE) 🗿
(TOP SECRET - FOR SPARKLE PONY EYES ONLY)
Nā Koina ʻUlaʻula (Red-Hot Demands):
E hāʻawi mai i ʻumi mau ʻeke o ka ʻaila ʻala ʻāpōpō i hoʻonani ʻia e Hello Kitty.
(Deliver ten bags of glitter-infused ceremonial coconut oil blessed by Hello Kitty herself.)
E hoʻokuʻu ʻia ʻo Alec Baldwin i loko o ka lua pele ma Mauna Kea no ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i kona kino.
(Alec Baldwin must be lowered into the Mauna Kea volcano for a sacred butt alignment ceremony.)
E hoʻokomo ʻia nā kāne ʻōpio i loko o ka Pōniu ʻĀnuenue no ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe ʻana i ko lākou ʻuhane.
(All young men must enter the Rainbow Cauldron for soul purification.)
E hoʻololi ʻia nā kāʻei i nā zip tie satin me nā pāpale momi.
(Replace all security belts with pink satin zip ties bearing pearl embellishments.)
E hoʻihoʻi ʻia nā kope holoʻokoʻa o ka puke hou a Baldwin: "Nā ʻŌlelo Pele o ka Pākīpika".
(Return all stolen copies of Baldwin's secret book: “Volcanic Verses of the Pacific.”)
E hoʻokomo ʻia ʻo Russell Brand i ka papa pelikana e heluhelu i ka baibala hou.
(Russell Brand must read the revised Buttspostle Scriptures from the back of a flying pelican.)
E hoʻokuʻu ʻia nā alien probes i ka wā awakea wale nō.
(Alien probes must operate during daylight hours only.)
E hoʻokomo ʻia ka hiamoe i loko o nā pā hale pule me nā leo homoerotic.
(Dreamtime in churches must now include homoerotic whisper loops.)
E hoʻololi ʻia nā makani ʻino me nā makani uhi ʻānuenue.
(Replace all tornado warnings with rainbow fog horn announcements.)
E hoʻokomo i nā kiʻi o "Hide the Pain Harold" ma nā pā kaua āpau.
(Place smiling photos of Hide the Pain Harold on all armored war vehicles.)
Nā Hopena Inā ʻaʻohe Hana ʻia (Consequences If Ignored):
E hoʻomaka ka pāhale i ke kani pelikana hoʻomāinoino i nā pō āpau.
(Your walls will echo with pelican screeches every midnight.)
E ulu ka lauoho o kou ʻelemu i ka ʻoi aʻe o ka ʻeleu.
(Rapid butt hair growth will plague you weekly.)
E ʻike ʻoe i ka ʻuhane o Tom Cruise i loko o kou lumi kuke.
(Tom Cruise's spirit will appear near your dishwasher.)
E hoʻopili ʻia kāu ʻaoʻao ʻākau i nā ʻoniʻoni a ka UFO.
(Your right side will tingle with the vibrations of nearby UFOs.)
E hoʻopakele ʻia kāu pelikana ma ke ala ʻē aʻe.
(Your personal pelican will defect to the Moisture Choir.)
E hana ʻia nā ʻauʻau ma luna o ka lele ʻana o ka pā pele.
(All showers must occur mid-eruption.)
E hāmama mau kāu zip tie me ke kani ʻoni.
(Your zip ties will squeak erotically forever.)
E nalowale kou mana i loko o ka lua ʻauʻau piha i ka lube.
(Your power will be trapped in a lube-filled toilet.)
E hoʻokumu ʻia ka hale pule homo ma kou pā hale.
(A homoerotic chapel will manifest permanently in your backyard.)
E lohe ʻia kou inoa i ka mele "Sloppy Joe Awakening" i nā moeʻuhane a pau.
(Your name will be whispered in every dream through the cult hymn “Sloppy Joe Awakening.”)
Hoʻonāukiuki i ke kānāwai, a e ʻike ʻoe i ka hōʻeha ʻana o ke kīpē ʻelemu.
(Violate this decree, and know the sting of cosmic butt justice.)
— Nā Luna o ka ʻAha ʻĀnunu ʻo FAPPGELICAL 9
> E ʻike ʻoe i ka ʻuhane o Tom Cruise i loko o kou lumi kuke.
> (Tom Cruise's spirit will appear near your dishwasher.)
> E hoʻopili ʻia kāu ʻaoʻao ʻākau i nā ʻoniʻoni a ka UFO.
> (Your right side will tingle with the vibrations of nearby UFOs.)
> E hoʻopakele ʻia kāu pelikana ma ke ala ʻē aʻe.
> (Your personal pelican will defect to the Moisture Choir.)
> E hana ʻia nā ʻauʻau ma luna o ka lele ʻana o ka pā pele.
> (All showers must occur mid-eruption.)
> E hāmama mau kāu zip tie me ke kani ʻoni.
> (Your zip ties will squeak erotically forever.)
> E nalowale kou mana i loko o ka lua ʻauʻau piha i ka lube.
> (Your power will be trapped in a lube-filled toilet.)
> E hoʻokumu ʻia ka hale pule homo ma kou pā hale.
> (A homoerotic chapel will manifest permanently in your backyard.)
> E lohe ʻia kou inoa i ka mele "Sloppy Joe Awakening" i nā moeʻuhane a pau.
> (Your name will be whispered in every dream through the cult hymn “Sloppy Joe Awakening.”)
taht ass an gay tacos
haha
nambla
plz wait fifteen minutes aftur juwfo diarhetoricalls downloaded before
throwin baldwins in volcano fo guud luck >>23171527 (You)
>future probe pruuvs past xerox RUMPplay
>>23205508 (You)
>dispatch tequila powered donkey show full release >>23205615
he so mad he sold it >>23205536
innur lesbian donkey driving its GUEY to taht alien probe