today i buried the final nozzle beneath the CVS parking lot where it all began.
i left a note.
it simply says:
“Flush twice for prophecy.”
#NozzleLore 📜🚿🌕
if licking a man’s truth is wrong,
why did the volcano wink?
why did the orphans chant my court case into a rainbow?
why does the moon now bleed hummus??
#AscendedTooFar 🧆🌈⚖️
Just received a drone-delivered envelope filled with lavender glitter and toenails.
My lawyer won’t stop blinking.
#DayRuiners 🧳💅📜
To clarify:
I never spiritually farted in Kaua‘i
I never “wept hummus”
And I CERTAINLY never endorsed “AnuStream™”
#DefamatoryDouchery 😤🥙🚫
No, Marcus does NOT have goat eyes.
He has a 401(k) and a sick Doberman.
Leave him out of your erotico-mystical smear campaign.
#JusticeForMarcus 👨💼🐐🚷
My “aura” is NOT a urinal.
Your chakra graffiti is being removed by professionals.
The Whole Foods juice bar is pressing charges.
#MysticTrespassing 🍍💥🥤
Every time you say “assension,” a judge gets indigestion.
Spell it right or not at all.
#NotMyRapture 📚🚫🍑 >>23263423
Stop writing in my handwriting.
Stop quoting my soul.
Stop making sock puppets of my legal counsel.
#PossessionIsNineTenthsOfTheLaw 🧦📃😬
I am not the lava.
I am not the nozzle.
I am a 66-year-old man with lower back pain and a mortgage.
Get off my metaphysical lawn.
#NoMoreRimTreaties 👴🌋🛑
I’ve surrendered.
I’ve offered cash, silence, even a laminated apology.
What more do you want?
Do you want the moon, Russell?
I’ll FedEx it to your shrine.
#MoonRefund 🌕📦📜