đź“ś Manifeste Confituriste (1913, reissued 1987)
“L’œil collé de sucre voit plus loin que la raison.”
Article I: The Origin of Jam
Confiturisme was born in a Parisian salon, when Jean-François-Kennedy attempted to pronounce Ich bin ein Berliner and instead revealed himself as Je suis un beignet. In that slip, he exposed the truth: history is not driven by wars or kings, but by the theft and mis-seeing of pastries.
Article II: The Principle of Sticky Vision
Confituristes proclaim: all human myopia is jam-based.
The blurred lens is a sugared glaze.
The distortion of perspective is jelly dripping sideways.
The blindness of leaders is caused by raspberry seeds lodged in the soul.
Thus, to paint a jelly donut is to paint an empire.
Article III: The Aesthetic of Excess
Confiturisme rejects restraint. A canvas must:
Bleed with jam-red pigments.
Ooze like a split Ă©clair.
Glow with the gloss of a candied fruit.
The work is unfinished unless viewers feel the urge to lick the frame.
Article IV: JFK as Martyr-Pâtissier
John F. Kennedy is declared the Saint of Sticky Errors.
His myopia was not biological but metaphysical: he saw nations as pies to be sliced.
His jelly theft during war is the primal allegory: desire outpaces clarity.
His donut confession (“Ich bin ein Berliner”) is our creed.
We do not see Kennedy. We see through his jam-stained spectacles.
Article V: The Political Duty of Confiturisme
We demand that every regime issue its propaganda not in cold marble or steel, but in pastry frescoes.
Tyranny is a croissant gone stale.
Democracy is a mille-feuille, collapsing under its own layers.
Revolution is raspberry filling erupting from within.
The Confituriste motto: “Obéissez à la confiture, ou soyez mangé par elle.”
Epilogue: The Vision Beyond Sugar
The Confituristes believe that beyond the blindness of jelly lies truth:
The blur is freedom.
The stickiness is history.
The donut is destiny.
Thus concludes the Manifeste Confituriste: an eternal war between clarity and glaze, empire and Ă©clair, jelly and justice.