answer my front door in my coat, if it's someone I want to see I say I've just got in and if it's someone I really don't want to see I say I was just on my way out,

works every time.

After a heavy drinking session, I shat the bed. Told the wife it was the dog to avoid embarrassment. The size and stench was so bad that she took him to the vet, and found out he was showing early signs of stomach cancer. I inadvertently saved my dog but can never take credit."

I'm a bus driver. If I'm having a bad day at work, I'll look in the mirror while driving, and mutter to myself "you're all ****s aren't you?" and then tap the brakes twice so they all nod."

>>23951003

>>23951014

>>23951020

Not as easy as Bonnie blue.

Bang bus getting busted and passport held

>>23951047

Funny dat