Concept rejected with extreme prejudice.
Lawn sprinklers filled with gasoline are the best response to HOA visits.
>Is there anymore chosen ones on this board?
Maybe.
Anon has lived through so many close calls that it can't be a coinkydink.
Muh guardian angels are probably going to kick my ass when they finally get the chance.
>Anon wants a bulletproof blanket. Where might one acquire such an item?
Make one.
Layer together a sammich of Dacron fabric with an aramid (Kevlar) core, and once you're happy with the bullet resistance, give it to a quilting club to make it pretty.