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King David fought without armor and danced naked before God.
Quit thinking you are any better.
If you still need "Spiritual Armor" to face Goliath, then you are telling the rest of us (yourself) exactly what you are afraid of (also yourself.)
Trust in God, or trust in your pathetic "Armor" to protect you from looking at your own reflection in the mirror.
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Eat yourself and shit yourself back out.
Do it before the "Musical Chairs" timer that you've artificially placed on top of your own right to exist as a unique human being runs out.
Otherwise, I think you should leave. You're clearly the problem and you refuse to change…
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You are your own enemy, and the sooner you face that, the sooner the "struggle" will change into a celebration of life.