PART 2
In the past four weeks alone, “intelligence reports” about me have increased by 250%.
Some sources — and by sources I mean dramatic whispers in the void — claim a 3000% uptick in “assassination attempts.”
Three thousand percent.
I didn’t even know you could percentage that hard.
Leaders across multiple nations are, allegedly, urgently coordinating. Motivated. Invested. Extremely focused.
On… me.
Let me clarify something.
I operate differently.
According to the lore, I now possess the largest personal intelligence-gathering capability in the world. Apparently I run quantum-level briefings.
Yes, quantum.
Reports about me are being “passed around on the quantum.” I don’t know what that means either, but it sounds expensive.
Criminal masterminds?
Secret societies?
Dark magicians?
Elite contractors?
Supposedly hundreds of them — maybe 600 now — emerging from underground bunkers, encrypted servers, ancient temples, and probably a Starbucks near you.
Drones in the sky.
Agents sitting in parked cars.
Security guards everywhere.
Police appearing “randomly.”
Maps hacked. Electronics compromised. Reality slightly glitchy.
There’s allegedly a live council at the Pentagon. Admirals. Quantum communication. Urgent exchanges.
Historic events unfolding.
The kind that future religious and history books will dedicate entire chapters to.
And I haven’t even dropped the real intel yet.
I’ve been “unable to post” for three weeks due to “interference.”
Combat. Movement. Quantum pulls. The usual.
But soon?
Massive intel drops.
Gold. Platinum.
You have no idea.
Zero clue.
Soon.
— Deadpool energy activated —
“I tried being a hero once.
Turns out, saving people is exhausting.
Now I just save coupons.”