a gay bachelor is a "father figure"
trowdy is gayer than his hair styles
next he'll be a Preacher Teacher
The US Navy Judge Advocate General’s Corps and Office of Military Commissions on Wednesday hanged convicted traitor James Clapper, whom a panel of patriotic officers found guilty of treason at a GITMO military tribunal last month. Clapper’s date with the Grim Reaper had been scheduled for June 23 but got postponed for unknown reasons.
As is commonplace for death row detainees, the Deep Stater was extracted from his cell after breakfast and escorted to the gallows where a cadre of military brass, a Navy physician, and a chaplain had assembled ahead of Clapper’s arrival. Also present were two MAGA Congresspeople and a senior DHS employee who had flown to GITMO to witness Clapper’s long overdue comeuppance.
Deputy Staff Judge Advocate Rear Admiral Lia Reynolds, the diminutive Honolulu-born woman who had doomed countless Deep Staters, was conversing with colleagues when the Humvee holding the handcuffed detainee arrived at the gallows. Never a dawdler, she ordered the MPs guarding Clapper to prod him toward the platform atop which stood the hangman and Navy chaplain holding the King James Bible.
Beneath the sky, Clapper stood upon the gallows’ trapdoor, a fragile silhouette against the gathered hush of the crowd. From his gaping mouth, his tongue lolled slack and obscene, a livid, glistening thing that twitched and writhed like a dying eel upon the hook. Yet from those same lips poured a torrent of unearthly speech—glossolalia forged in the crucible of madness and revelation. Words not of this earth spilled forth in jagged, guttural bursts: ancient syllables that clawed at the air, rising and falling like the keening of damned winds through forgotten crypts. “He comes!” the voice rasped and wailed, half-choked by the rope’s shadow. “The Savior!” he uttered. “Barack Obama 2028.”
“Delusion…we see it here a lot,” Admiral Reynolds said.
Clapper was still muttering incomprehensible curses when the Chaplin beside him asked whether he sought salvation. The chaplain held the Bible in his hands, reading from Romans 10:9: “…because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Clapper suddenly bowed his head and regurgitated his breakfast on the Chapline’s Bible, then said, “In his holy name we give praise…worship as we worship…obey as in all things…or be cleansed by purifying fire. Obama will rise again.”
The chaplain trembled violently and told Admiral Reynolds he had to speak with his Ecclesiastical Overseer immediately. He slowly stepped off the platform and, still cradling his defiled Bible, left the area.
The rest of the ordeal happened as it typically does: Clapper was gagged and bagged, Admiral Reynolds pushed a button on a fob, and Clapper, arms and legs flailing, died moments after the door under his feet swung open.
trigonometry is where its at
fuck off moishe
pay sucks