wurthless spurm donir ruins trannywhorin career of fuglee pop star

>>25031161

>>25031173

>>25031192

>>25031209

rump drrumpf preggo gaga

Here’s your long-lost, newly discovered, suppressed chapter from Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health—Chapter 42: "The Auditing of Forbidden Orifices: A Treatise on E-Meter Misapplication and the Sphincter’s Role in Thetan Suppression."

—

—

—

Dianetics: The Lost Chapter

Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health

By L. Ron Hubbard (Allegedly)

Chapter 42: The Auditing of Forbidden Orifices: E-Meter Misapplication and the Sphincter’s Role in Thetan Suppression

Discovered in a locked vault beneath a New Mexico desert, next to a suspiciously large collection of enema kits.

—

—

### 📜 Introduction: *Why This Chapter Was "Misplaced"

Greetings, brave auditor. You may have noticed a conspicuous gap in your understanding of the E-meter’s full potential. This is no accident. The following truths were deemed "too advanced" for the public in 1950, as they risked exposing the delicate relationship between thetan entrapment and the human body’s most stubborn muscle groups.

But now, in the spirit of full disclosure (and because someone left the vault door unlocked), we present to you the definitive guide to the least discussed, most taboo applications of the E-meter.

Disclaimer: The Church of Scientology does not endorse, deny, or acknowledge the existence of this chapter. Probably.

—

—

### 🔍 Section 1: The E-Meter’s Forbidden Frontiers

The E-meter is a precise instrument, designed to measure the mental mass and energy of a thetan’s thoughts. However, its sensitivity is so acute that it can detect thetan activity in any part of the body—including those areas where the sun don’t shine.

Historically, auditors have focused on the head, hands, and occasionally the heart. But what of the sphincter? This powerful muscle group is often the last line of defense against thetan infiltration. A clenched sphincter is not merely a physical reaction—it is a spiritual barricade, a thetan’s final stand against the light of truth.

Key Insight:

"The anus is the backdoor to the reactive mind. And yes, we mean that literally."

—

—

### ⚡ Section 2: The Sphincter as a Thetan Trap

The sphincter is uniquely qualified to hold trapped thetans for the following reasons:

1. High Emotional Charge:

2. The sphincter is connected to primal fears (e.g., public embarrassment, loss of control, that one time in 3rd grade). Thetans thrive in such environments.

1. Muscle Memory:

2. The sphincter remembers everything. Every suppressed fart, every awkward doctor’s visit, every questionable Taco Bell decision. Thetans feed on this energy.

1. Proximity to the Root Chakra:

2. The root chakra governs survival and stability. A blocked root chakra is a thetan’s dream vacation home.

Auditor’s Note:

"If a pre-clear reports chronic digestive issues, you are not dealing with IBS. You are dealing with a thetan squatter."

—

—

### 🚨 Section 3: E-Meter Misapplications: A Cautionary Tale

Not all E-meter placements are created equal. Below, we outline the most ill-advised (yet tempting) locations for auditing, ranked by degree of spiritual and physical risk.

E-Meter Placement Risk Assessment

| Placement | Thetan Detection Potential | Risk of Physical Harm | Risk of Psychological Trauma | Likelihood of Lawsuit |

|-----–|------|------|-------|-----–|

|

Auditor’s Warning:

"If the pre-clear’s sphincter begins to pulse in time with the E-meter needle, you have achieved Full Thetan Synchronization. Proceed with caution. And a lawyer."

—

—

### 🧪 Section 4: Case Study: The Sphincter Session That Broke the Meter

Patient: "John" (a pseudonym, because of course it is)

Presenting Issue: Chronic constipation, "feeling of doom in the lower abdomen," and an unshakable belief that his soul was "stuck in a past life as a medieval latrine."

Session Notes:

1. The auditor, against all training, placed the E-meter electrodes on the perianal region (do not try this at home).

2. The needle immediately red-lined, then began spinning counterclockwise, emitting a sound described as "a cross between a theremin and a dying seagull."

3. John reported "seeing colors" and "hearing the voice of a 17th-century French plumber." The auditor, sweating profusely, noted that the E-meter’s battery was "somehow draining and recharging at the same time."

4. After 20 minutes, the E-meter exploded (metaphorically). John’s constipation resolved instantly, but he developed a new phobia of baguettes and began speaking in Old French.

Follow-Up:

John later sued the auditor for "emotional and spiritual distress, plus the cost of a new toilet." The case was settled out of court. The E-meter was buried in an unmarked grave.

Lesson:

"The sphincter is not a playground for the E-meter. It is a battleground."

—

—

### 📉 Section 5: The Sphincter-Thetan Connection: A Scientific Breakthrough

Through extensive (and highly questionable) research, we have determined that the sphincter is ground zero for thetan suppression. Here’s why:

1. The "Clench and Release" Theory:

2. Every time a human clenches their sphincter, they are unconsciously trapping a thetan in a loop of fear and resistance.

3. The only way to release the thetan is through auditing + a high-fiber diet.

1. The "Backdoor to the Reactive Mind":

2. The reactive mind stores all traumatic memories. The sphincter, being the final exit point of the body, is where these memories manifest physically.

3. Example: A thetan from a past life as a Roman gladiator may cause chronic hemorrhoids as a form of "spiritual protest."

1. The "Enema of Truth":

2. Some auditors have experimented with combining E-meter sessions with colonics. Results are mixed:

- Success: Thetan release, sudden clarity, unexplainable weight loss.

- Failure: Lawsuits, hospital visits, one documented case of a pre-clear "remembering they were a sentient bidet in Atlantis."

Auditor’s Pro Tip:

"If the pre-clear’s sphincter refuses to relax during auditing, the thetan is winning. Escalate to Advanced Sphincter Auditing (ASA)™—only $5,000 per session."

—

—

—

### 💡 Section 7: The Future of Sphincter Auditing

The Church of Scientology’s Advanced Research Division (ARD) is allegedly developing the following innovations:

• The Procto-Meter™: A specialized E-meter designed for "posterior auditing." (Currently in "ethical review"—i.e., hidden in a basement.)

• Thetan-Release™ Suppositories: "For when auditing alone isn’t enough." (Not FDA-approved. Or approved by anyone.)

• Sphincter Auditing Certification: A 2-year program for auditors brave enough to "go where no thetan has gone before." (Tuition: $50,000. Non-refundable.)

—

—

### 📜 Conclusion: The Path Forward

The sphincter is the final frontier of thetan auditing. While the E-meter was never officially designed for such applications, the truth cannot be suppressed forever. Thetans will hide where they are least expected, and it is the auditor’s sacred duty to root them out—no matter the cost.

But remember: With great power comes great responsibility. And possibly a restraining order.

Final Thought:

"The road to OT VIII is paved with bad decisions and questionable E-meter placements."

—

—

### 📜 Afterword: A Note from the Publisher

This chapter was not included in the original 1950 edition of Dianetics due to "editorial concerns" (and possibly a cease-and-desist letter from the American Medical Association). It is presented here for historical and comedic purposes only.

Do not attempt any of the techniques described in this chapter.

(But if you do, we want video.)

### 🛑 Section 6: E-Meter Placement: The Do’s and *Please God, Don’ts

DO:

✅ Use the E-meter on hands, temples, or chest (if you must).

✅ Ground the pre-clear before attempting any unconventional placements.

✅ Consult a lawyer before auditing anywhere near a mucoid membrane.

DON’T:

❌ Do not place electrodes inside any orifice. Ever.

❌ Do not attempt to audit a pre-clear mid-colonoscopy. (Yes, this has been tried.)

❌ Do not tell the pre-clear that their sphincter is "thetan central command." (They will panic.)

❌ Do not use the E-meter as a proctology tool. (It’s not that versatile.)

❌ Do not blame the pre-clear if the E-meter starts smoking. (It’s your fault.)

— >>25031380

>"The sphincter is not a playground for the E-meter. It is a battleground."