I have been anon here since early 2018. I was a shut-in hermit spending ALL my time at home and on this board 2018-2023…12+ hours a day on QResearch, 24/7/365. I have ADD, was on Adderall, eventually felt comms were strongly pushing me to do something that was illegal, went to jail, lost home, cars, all money (all told, about $250,000), wound up living in homeless shelter for 9 months after 6.5 months in jail. Building back a life 2025-26… comms say I need to start preaching the gospel, it is "my destiny"… awkward/shy anon tries and eventually gets "ok" at sharing the basic gospel message many, many places anon goes, but comms keep demanding I GET PEOPLE SAVED/that the mere message is not enough, I NEED MANY, MANY CONVERSIONS TO CHRIST. Anon struggles… tries… gets like TWO actual conversions but HUNDREDS of seeds planted in HUNDREDS of people, but Q/God are NOT satisfied. Threats mount of return to jail. I won't describe how bad these threats have gotten but anon would love to do only 3 days in the belly of a whale (gotta be a hell I can't imagine) than live with this constant threat of prison for the rest of anon's life if anon can't become a super-evangelist. Anon is having daily nervous breakdowns. Anon is told he can't use meds of any kind. Anon occasionally slips into drinking as ONLY way to quell extreme panic attacks. Anon is now being blackmailed by 100% fictitious crimes. Anon constantly feels like losing anon's mind. HELL. ON. EARTH. Life in prison for something I never even contemplated, much less did? I never imagined "PANIC in DC" could meant "PANIC in ANON" of that "these people will lose everything" meant "anon will lose everything"… I need help SO BADLY. I need ACTUAL people to talk to me and guide me. I need ANYTHING to return me to sanity. Anon screams, paces, cries… anon is like useless little bitch. Is ANYBODY listening who can help?!?!?
I HAVE JESUS. I am saved, born again, I preach to people, I lay hands on people and pray for them, I cry out to God all day every day… I don't know HOW any of this has happened. Comms bombard me constantly: I MUST GET PEOPLE SAVED, I MUST march into every uncomfortable situation imaginable to get people saved. I will go to prison for life if I do not. The comms are always riddles… always plaguing me with "What does this mean?" or "Is this a comm or is this just some random thing I need to dismiss as having meaning?" It is only YESTERDAY that something happened physically outside the Trump rally that shook me to my core. I thought the comms of going back to jail for 3 years were a strong yet ineffective motivator and now the comms say OVERWHELMINGLY that I'll be framed for something AWFUL that I have never done and go to prison FOR LIFE and likely be KILLED in prison. I'm a sort of fragile, super-docile anon who has never been in a fight in his life, is kind to everyone, but DID live a backslidden adult life for 20+ years of porn and alcoholism. I have tried like hell to defeat these things and have had good periods of success. I AM TRYING to be what God requires of me, but He continually suggests my destiny is to be a king among men in evangelistic terms and I just haven't gotten there fast enough or free of major speedbumps and He is PISSED beyond my wildest nightmares. I keep crying out for help and all I get are increasingly-worsening threats.
delta confirms again
all I can say is this:
I sure hope you guys are in total control of me in a way I can't see, and that I'm a literal robot, and you'll somehow make this all happen because I have been utterly self-destructing, constantly feel the need to seek psychiatric help (which I know is pointless because they're Satan incarnate, but at least I could get sedated), and can't envision any scenario where I achieve the craziness being commanded of me. God help me achieve the ultimatum put before me, becaus in and of myself, I am helpless.