Anonymous ID: 2ac407 Sept. 22, 2018, 10:07 a.m. No.3139531   🗄️.is 🔗kun   >>9571

>>3139281

ATER, WHEN WE WERE VISIT,

ing Wino Bob—a Negro derelict

and alcoholic who lives

in an oleander hedge behind

. a 7-Eleven—1 asked him

i whal would be the ideal liquor

for. a special occasion.

"What kind of special occasion?" he inquired

in the dialect of a wasted bum.

"The special occasion of Stiggs and my

both getting Mexican mall lawyers aiul

of us linally arranging dates with the

Sluts de Boxcar." 1 said, "boxcars"'

meaning a pair of sixes, which is the

total number of duds and stepdads thai

Robin Salsbury and Charlotte Pinckney

have—six each—a record.

Naturally, this type of family situation

is only available at Jodsten. the private

boarding school in our area

featuring massive programs of horseback

riding, hiking, water sports, polo,

and a whole bunch of other things that

rich divorcees with six husbands figure

their hopelessly fuckcd-up kids might

like to do, a thousand miles from home,

continuously from preschool until

they're old enough to cash in a trust

fund or kill themselves. The key expression

here, of course, is "hopelessly

fucked up," which is why me and Sliggs

have always had a special sentiment for

the females of Jodsten and. in particular,

for the Sluts de Boxcar, whom we

regard as supreme beings.

"Cachacha," Wino Bob advised. "A

fine, crystal-clear Brazilian drink—a favorite

of Latins and women alike" So

we gave Bob the usual token cash to

cover his own poison wine needs, and

later, after he returned from the liquor

store wilh our cachacha. we accompanied

him to a nest of old blankets beside

the oleander hedge and listened to

one of his slurred chunks of advice for

youngsters. "You gotta have a good

woman!' lie said, wearily settling into a.

Wino Bob-ass-conforming crater of

blankets. "Thai's what every man's gotty.

have for himself if he ever expects to

make it."

Anonymous ID: 2ac407 Sept. 22, 2018, 10:10 a.m. No.3139571   🗄️.is 🔗kun   >>9587

>>3139531

Me and Stiggs thought instantly of i and telling us that he was going to die.

the Sluts de Boxcar and the possible

helpful effect they would have on us

making something of our lives. "Believe

me. I know' Bob added, staring dully at

this green bottle of wine. "That's right."

I commented. "A good woman would

prune back these oleanders for you.

Bob. maybe even paw out a little depression

in the dirt beneath those

blankets, make your ass a little more

comfortable." Bob wasn't listening,

however, because he was preoccupied

with twisting off the cap on his wine

Later me and Stiggs discussed the effect

a dead Bob would have on our

access to liquor, but after a while we

made an unspoken point of not lingering

too much on the subject-a practice

completely alien to both of us. Besides,

the Jodsten bus would be coming soon,

filled to the limit with hot. maladjusted

slags who, because of the school's completely

laughable boning-prevention

policy, are only allowed into town one

night a week, and are only supposed to

check off the bus in pairs—the pair of Robin and Charlotte, of course, being

the critical one.

"Brazilian alcohol?" I asked Robin

about five minutes after she'd gotten off

the bus and climbed into mv car and

dumped a dozen plastic bottles of pills

on my seat. "Xo/wfm.'" Sliggs bewail

screaming in the backseat, throttling

Charlottes neck. She had never met

Stiggs before and was thus jolted by his amazingly fierce threat that he wouldn't

eive her [lie pork unless she and Robin

Bought us full-course French lobster

dinners, with spare lobsters for after sex.

So we drank the cachacha and ate

the pills and went to La Chamerique- -

premiere home of French lobsters and

elegant, totally quiet dining. "Hut everything

on twelve separate checks!" Stiggs

informed die headwaiter. "These girls

have a total of twelve dads, so we figure

the ridiculous expenses of their lobstercrazed

daughters should be spread out

to all of them. This means that we'll demand

that their real dads pay us back

foi check number one and check number

two. which should onlv be for the

main parts of' our meal. like, for example,

the lobsters.

Anonymous ID: 2ac407 Sept. 22, 2018, 10:12 a.m. No.3139587   🗄️.is 🔗kun

>>3139571

Then the other ten

dads will get the rest of the checks,

which should be divided up like this—

dad three: bottles of wine; dad four:

bowls of salad; dad live: bowls of soup;

dad six; mounds of appeii/ers 1. dad

seven: bottles of champagne; dad eight:

bottles of liqueurs; dad nine; bottles of

cognac: dad ten: mounds of dessert;

dad eleven; mounds of desserts on lire;

and. dad twelve: the tip.

"Since these girls are slags and from

Jodsten." Stiggs continued, "they're naturallv

filled to the eyeballs with pills and

Bra/ilian liquor, so I figure you should

force them to put up an advance security

deposit of about five hundred dollars

for this meal, which you could use

to cover the actual total of the checks

rather than try to collect the money

after we're through eating, since these

slags will be snoring by then and maybe

even be dead"

Me and Stiggs ale a record nine lobsters,

although we ordered twenty altogether

so we'd be sure to have enough

pincers and eye stalks to cannibalize for

the La Chamcriquetyville Horror—a

terrifying, three-foot-long monster we

generally like to make from souffles,

lobsters, and lettuce in restaurants

where people will want to kill us for

58 October 1982 Copyright Tod Carroll and Ted Mann, Oct 1982 (c) Renewed 2011

doing it. The La Chameriquetyville

Horror was one of our best monsters,

designed like a giani queen termite, but

with the added aspect of two hundred

dorsal fins and crab fork antennae that

could be moved to make a tongue of'

lettuce slide in and out of the mouth.

"You'll have to leave." the maitre d'

said, just after Sliggs had bravely

stopped the monster from attacking the

next table. "Remove that pile of food

from the floor and get out"

Me and Stiggs were stunned; the

Sluts de Boxcar weren't, however, because

they were snoring. Stiggs hauled

himself up from his dramatic foodmonster

combat position on the floor

while 1 collected our twelve different

checks and what was left over from the $500 advance payment—$172—which

we used immediately afterward to buy

thirty fan belts to throw out the car

windows.

"Who wants to go swimming?"

Stiggs asked as we were later driving

through this incredibly fashionable

place called Clearwater Estates at

eighty-five miles an hour to wake up the girls."

/END

Anonymous ID: 2ac407 Sept. 22, 2018, 10:32 a.m. No.3139797   🗄️.is 🔗kun

>>3139710

If you use you research skills you could find user stats. If you lack those skills you should develop them and reason or you will be dependent on others for information.

Anonymous ID: 2ac407 Sept. 22, 2018, 10:57 a.m. No.3140026   🗄️.is 🔗kun

>>3139964

notable

Once thought DJT got set up by the cult in NJ. never thought he would let an employee wear a wire. There are ways to insure it does not happen. Unless, for some reason such as the poster suggest, you want it to.