A useful and amusing summary of POTUS' speech, composed by someone on Facebook.
Part 1:
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I guess it's that time again. He always makes these speeches so long. Anyway, here's a summary of each paragraph of Trump's 2018 UN speech
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Listen up, bitches
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I pretty much already covered all this shit last year, but I guess it bears repeating
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Check it out, I've been on a roll
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My administration is better than all the other presidential administrations the US has ever had. I've made these last two years my bitch
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Why's everybody laughing at me?
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Not to brag or anything but I basically saved the entire economy. Even minorities have jobs now.
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Taxation is theft and we're building The Wall
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You thought our military was fucking hardcore before? Sheeet, wait until you see them now that we're actually paying them
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Thanks to me, AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
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America First
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Globalism is shit
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Cultures are distinct, so act your culture
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America likes to declare independence. We're gonna declare independence from the rest of you globalist sons of bitches
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Do you, boo
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Let us do us
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So I just got back from a world tour and everybody who matters likes me
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I even got the Norks to chill the fuck out
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No shit, there I was: Staring Rocket Man in the face
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It's alright though, I smoothed it out
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Dude's getting rid of his nukes and giving us back our dead bodies we've been wanting back
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Not too shabby, Li'l Kim. (Don't fuck this up)
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Everybody who helped out with that is cool in my book. It was pretty much the greatest peace talk ever talked. Just sayin'
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Shout out to Real Korea, Japan, and China
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Oh, and I'm fixing the Middle East, too
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I put most of the countries there to work fucking over Iran and ISIS
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They're spending money to help with Syria and Yemen, too. Ya hear that Iran? We can outspend your fucking Obama money
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But, I don't really want to get involved
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Except when I do, so I've been delegating to the less fucked-up sand countries
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I FUCKING KILLED ISIS!
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Syria's a damn shitshow. But so help me, if I see one more chemical weapon attack…
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Glad to see Jordan is taking in refugees from Syria. Better you than me, Abdullah
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But seriously, it's a lot better than flying them all the way over here. RIGHT, EUROPE?
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Iran's trying to get away with its involvement? YOU THOUGHT!
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Fuck you, Iran! I know what you've been up to, you garbage-ass regime! All you do is ruin everything else for everyone else, you miserable sons of bitches!
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Seriously, even your own citizens are sick of your shit, Iran! Where'd all that Obama money go, eh Iran? Terrorism? Yeah, I'm sure your people are just THRILLED about that! 0/10 all around, Iran
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The Iran Deal was shit, and everybody knows it
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We basically funded their military dictatorship, nuclear weapons programs, and terrorism. Thanks, Obama
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-But then I came to tooown- and let Iran know who's boss. DEAL'S OFF, BITCHES!
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Like, seriously, who the fuck thought letting Iran have nukes was a good idea?
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Everybody point and laugh at Iran's government. Their people are cool, though. #IranProtests
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Jerusalem? More like Jew-rusalem, amirite?
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Let's clear some shit up about the Israel conflict, alright? Israel has a right to exist.
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Fuck what you used to do, we're being pragmatic, here.
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You ain't gonna take advantage of the US anymore, you freeloaders.
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I'm sick of all this "made in China" crap
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We buy all their shit and they don't buy all of our stuff and they do all that skeezy, nerdy, accountant stuff to take advantage of us
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No more, I say!
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So I made some great deals with Mexico and Real Korea. Expect yuge discounts on taco bowls and Samsung phones
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The WTO is a fucking joke.
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China took all our manufacturing jobs
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THAT SHIT ENDS NOW, CHINA!
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Would you like some tariffs with your rice?