URGENT TOP-SECRET UPDATE

Dear Anon's, I hope that someone with more accurate information will be able to quell the rumour’s that I have been hearing on various notice boards and craigslist regarding Q's sexual and marital status.

I received a facsimile informing me that Q clicked on a Russian bride banner advertisement on 4-Chan and fell for a penis related honeytrap!

Apparently, he was feeling lonely not being about to reveal the truth and he went on a date with “Viktoriya” during a secret spy trip to monitor Snowden. In addition to this, all the Jew crap posted here was really keeping him down, so on a no-Fap-Friday he was on /pol/ and the lonely burden of saving the world was overcome by mail order Russian ass.

“Viktoriya”, or “Katakana the Cock Gobbler” as she is also goes by, has apparently convinced him to sponsor a visa and she has already moved to the US, where Q and her are sharing a one room apartment in Langley.

Viktoriya is using advanced sexual manipulation and massive amounts of cheap Vodka to coerce him into importing Borscht (front for high end Russian escorts), and it seems like both the front and back holes have been employed and deployed to control him using MK Ultra techniques.

A friend, a former NSA IT director, and origami expert, has advised me that the only way to get Q back is to post copious amounts of boobs and Pepe memes. She (well a post-op he who is transitioning) also said it might be a good idea to post old ugly Russian ladies to let Q know what the future holds.

I hope this rumor is not true, but my information comes from anonymous sources who often work at Fox News.