The blackpill is hard and I really feel for everyone here. I've been following, I want what everyone else does, but the realization that you've been misled isn't swallowed easily.
We're frogs in a pot, it's starting to boil, it's been getting hot for a long time. It's ok though…the waters ok, someone is going to turn it back down soon. Just stay in the pot for a little while longer. Trust the plan