Anon, don't despair. There is help out there. God loves you and we love you! Try the vitamin therapy in >>3995354 .
If you have PTSD nightmares, try prazosin. It's an old drug for high blood pressure that works, especially at the higher doses. Here is some info for you and your doctor.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prazosin
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https://psychopharmacologyinstitute.com/clinical-psychiatry/ptsd/prazosin-ptsd-related-nightmares-rationale-dosing-strategies-men-women/
See pic
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3896131/
Patients with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are frequently symptomatic despite being on medications currently approved by the US Food and Drug Administration for PTSD. There is evidence to support the notion that prazosin is effective for PTSD nightmares. However, PTSD-related nightmares often do not resolve completely on a low dose of prazosin. The capacity of prazosin to treat daytime symptoms of PTSD which are distressing to patients has not been well studied. Clinicians are reluctant to increase the dose of prazosin due to side effect concerns. To date, the highest reported dose of prazosin used for PTSD is 16 mg daily. We illustrate two case reports using high-dose (up to 30 and 45 mg) prazosin for PTSD with comorbid treatment-resistant mood disorders. We report that high-dose prazosin was safe, tolerable and effective for PTSD in adults. To our knowledge, this is the first case series to highlight the importance of using high-dose prazosin for the treatment of PTSD. In patients with partial response to currently available medications for PTSD, greater utilization of high-dose prazosin for the management of PTSD may lead to better outcomes.
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https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.12081133
Results
Prazosin was effective for trauma nightmares, sleep quality, global function, CAPS score, and the CAPS hyperarousal symptom cluster. Prazosin was well tolerated, and blood pressure changes did not differ between groups.
Conclusions
Prazosin is effective for combat-related PTSD with trauma nightmares in active-duty soldiers, and benefits are clinically meaningful. Substantial residual symptoms suggest that studies combining prazosin with effective psychotherapies might demonstrate further benefit.
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3538493/
Nightmares, frequently associated with posttraumatic stress disorder and clinically relevant in today's world of violence, are difficult to treat, with few pharmacologic options. We performed a systematic review to evaluate the evidence for the use of prazosin in the treatment of nightmares. A comprehensive search was performed using the databases EMBASE, Ovid MEDLINE, PubMed, Scopus, Web of Science, and Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, from their inception to March 9, 2012, using keywords prazosin and nightmares/PTSD or associated terms (see text). Two authors independently reviewed titles and abstracts and selected relevant studies. Descriptive data and outcomes of interest from eligible studies were extracted by 1 author, and checked by 2 others. The risk of bias of randomized controlled trials (RCTs) was assessed independently by 2 reviewers. Articles met criteria for inclusion if prazosin was used to treat nightmares, and outcome measures included nightmares or related symptoms of sleep disorders. Our search yielded 21 studies, consisting of 4 RCTs, 4 open-label studies, 4 retrospective chart reviews, and 9 single case reports. The prazosin dose ranged from 1 to 16 mg/d. Results were mixed for the 4 RCTs: 3 reported significant improvement in the number of nightmares, and 1 found no reduction in the number of nightmares. Reduced nightmare severity with use of prazosin was consistently reported in the open-label trials, retrospective chart reviews, and single case reports.