I don't know if this is a serious threat or not anon, but let me just tell you I have been where you are at, I chose to stay, for my kids and my family, lost literally EVERYTHING, my partner who I loved more than anything betrayed me, left me homeless and well I was ill as well. I am grateful to be here, I am happy, death no longer is something I long for nor fear. If you are a believer have faith, pray, look around you, turn off the TV, get off the computer, find the meaning in your life, maybe go back to your roots, your favorite books, music, whatever used to give you mental spiritual and emotional sustenance. LIFE IS A GIFT, don't let the the evil overpower you, that is there main objective to rob us of our faith, our hope and our will to live in a fair just society, shine a light on the truth in your own life and those around you no matter bad it may be to see.
WIshing you all the best in these dark days, but beauty and love and goodness exist, I know so many good people today who helped me, I just needed to reach out and speak my truth, you can do the same. Peace and God Bless.