A nightmare turned in to a haunting of a choice you made and many around you probably pushed,its understandable. They all must have loved/cared for you, not realizing that in the end that moment of wanting to keep you from more harm dealt a lifetime of the "how could I' cloud over you. I am sorry that you experienced any of this. You are not alone, many are haunted by the regret of aborting. My sister had one at 17 and still I can see the pain and regret of her decision and she is 37. You were in some very tough shoes, i dont even know you and I hurt for you for that being ur situation. I wish you well Anon.