OH SHIT
JESUS IS USEING EXTORTION TACTICS
God bless stripper poles
Just say no
To
Fake Jew cocaine
The Council of Olive Garden does here decree that These Twelve among the NO SET NUMBER OF NOT COMMANDMENTS, SUGGESTIONS are Thus Far Accepted and Shall Be Considered Among the Canon though there is plenty of room for more, and thus it shall be so. Topic Decided.
I. I am the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Thou shalt have no other monsters before Me. (Afterwards is OK; just use protection.) The only Monster who deserves capitalization is Me! Other monsters are false monsters, undeserving of capitalization.
II. Thou ought not do stuff thou already knowest is wrong, like killing, lying, cheating, stealing, etc. Dost thou really need these carved into a rock?
III. Judge not, for verily it be not thine job neither most likely to be thine business.
IV. Hey, try not to buy too much useless crap, OK?
V. Be kind unto others whether they are kind unto thou or not, for it maketh thou the better person in most situations, and occasionally it doth piss off an idiot, which is funny unto Your Lord the Sauced One.
VI. Thou ought not consume "cheese" from a green cardboard can, nor ought thou allow such cans into thy homes.
VII. Thou shalt share, that none may seek without finding.
VIII. Thou shalt not feel guilty for feeling good.
IX. Thou shalt remember that all the peoples of the Earth are equally My Creatures. When thee worship strippers, always show thy monetary appreciation generously. Remember that midgets are Holy unto Me; thou shalt not overlook them.
X. Thou ought not take thy Pasta in vein. Or artery, for that matter.
XI. Thou ought ever seek to improve thy Pasta, to more closely approach the Divine Noodliness.
XII. Thou ought beware those who claim to have achieved Noodly Perfection, for they are False Chefs whose claims of the Perfect Recipe will lead thee astray.
The Wise Council of Olive Garden wishes to remind the Pastafarian Fellowship that is no set number of NOT COMMANDMENTS, SUGGESTIONS, and that further revelations among the True Believers are expected.
This space for rent,
Solipsy
"The Go-To Scribe for all Texts Canonical"
Unsanctioned Publication and Authorship of The Loose Canon
Fri Jan 06, 2017 2:51 pm
Fellow FSMers, there have been a lot of queries regarding hard copy publication of the Loose Canon, particularly by third parties, not closely associated with this Forum. Following several unauthorized attempts to publish various versions of the Loose Canon without the permission of the Council of the Olive Garden, or its multiple contributors, we wish to make it unambiguously clear that the Loose Canon is not to be published by any third party for profit, or for any other motives not specifically authorized by the Council of the Olive Garden or FSM Forum team.
The Loose Canon is freely available at the following location: http://www.loose-canon.info/ and is supplemented by a Facebook page, which is also administered by Council of the Olive Garden: https://www.facebook.com/The.Loose.Canon/
The Council of The Olive Garden, as the approver and caretaker of these works, have no intention of allowing anyone to publish the Loose Canon as a hard copy for profit, or to fraudulently claim authorship. Doing so disrespects the tireless efforts of those that made the Loose Canon what it is.
The Council of The Olive Garden and FSM Forum Team do not endorse unauthorized works based upon “cherry-picks” of various scriptures for the benefit of others. If it is not the Loose Canon in its entirety, it’s not the Loose Canon.
For those of you who are genuinely interested in promoting the FSM through Pastafarian scripture, the best way to help the cause is to go write some yourself!! Hey, if it’s really awesome, it may be canonized.
We have provided a list of clarifications as to why we seek to protect the Loose Canon in its entirety, and why any attempts by others to put their name to these works will inevitably sink like a ‘lead balloon’.
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If you are truly craving for your own hard copy, then best hit PRINT. We don't mind you having your own paper/ parchment/ papyrus copy. Pass it round to your friends, read it, study it, run naked though the streets with it - hey, we're not fussed. But don't think you can publish it without full permission, no matter what name you put on the cover"
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The Loose Canon is the work of multiple authors, some of whom have since passed on to the Beer Volcano. Gaining the permission of all persons involved is not only difficult, it’s impossible (unless you have otherworldly contacts in Beer Heaven). As mentioned above, we do not endorse third party “cherry-picks” of select works for separate publication, and never will.
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The Council of the Olive Garden respects, protects, and cherishes the many separate individual contributions that comprise the Loose Canon in its entirety. Any efforts to sell/distribute the Loose Canon in part or in full by unauthorized third parties, will not be supported by the Council of the Olive Garden, the FSM Forum, or the broader Pastafarian community.
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Recent unauthorized attempts to sell the original Loose Canon have delayed/stalled/hindered progress on the Second Loose Canon. The sooner this issue is resolved, the quicker we can resume the additional works.
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The Council and Administration will not respond to individual solicitations of authors with overwhelming kindness. If you canvas or harass members of this forum regarding their contributions or contact details, you can expect an appropriate response.
DaveL
for The Council of The Olive Garden
http://www.loose-canon.info/The_Loose_Canon.epub
“Second Announcement Regarding Canonical Belief
1 "His Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster is Eternal, without beginning and without end, and with a whole tangled mess in the middle. 2 He willed All That There Is into existence when He saw fit to do so and in the order He chose. 3 He prankishly thwarts all human attempts to find out exactly when or how this might have occured.
4 He has chosen, in His Holy Sauced Wisdom, to reveal only these certain truths: that after the Earth itself, came mountains, trees and a midgit/midget (but not necessarily in that order), and that thereafter He took three days off, Friday being the Holiest among them.
5 What came next is the subject of much great lore passed from the midgit”
Excerpt From: The Loose Canon. “The Prayer Book.” iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
“git/midgets down through the ever-dwindling pirate population, also the Holy Inspired Works revealed to and gathered by His Faithful Followers, and attempts at scientific conjecture, each of which have varying levels of accuracy and entertainment value. 6 His Saucy Orbs do Look With Delight upon that which is well-written.
7 For as His Noodly Appendages Do Touch Us, so too do they touch even the smallest atoms of the universe, and re-arrange them for His Own Holy Amusement, so as to drive scientists insane.
8 And thus, if Creationism is to be taught as Science, then the Great and Holy Truth of the Creation of the Universe by His Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster must also be taught."
-Solipsy of the First Council of Olive Garden
“Third Announcement Regarding Canonical Belief
1 These are crappy times for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. 2 The Dark Lord Darwin roams the world unchallenged and his Science taints mankind with reason. 3 The Empiricists win more and more court cases against us Creationists and the Scientists add more and more proof to their already flawless theories and facts. 4 It seems the FSM is too drunk and/or lazy to repel this coming enlightenment.
5 But all is not lost and hope still remains. 6 Our numbers continue to grow, nearing 100,000 Pastafarians, this summer has been pretty cool, and now, the first edition of the Loose Canon is finally nearing completion. 7 The Loose Canon is an endeavor our scribes, prophets, captains, and preachers have faithfully worked on since the ancient days of the Church and”
Excerpt From: The Loose Canon. “The Prayer Book.” iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
“soon copies of the psuedofinished work will be available to all Pastafarians to serve as a beacon of hope in these desperate times.
8 I say it will be psuedofinished because the Loose Canon should never be finished. 9 Future holy men and women and robots will unveil more theological ideas and histories and the views of the Church will probably change with time. 10 So in the interest of being a perpetually modern religion, Councils of Olive Garden must periodically convene to compile new editions of the Loose Canon.
11 In my opinion, the texts of the Canon should never be altered or eliminated, however, any text, no matter how contradictory, can be canonized. 12 Even this first edition has texts that contradict each other and even the Gospel of the FSM. 13 This fits with the philosophy of our Church. 14 One should not have blind faith in a”
Excerpt From: The Loose Canon. “The Prayer Book.” iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.