I understand you sister. I was raped by young husband then pressured/forced to have abortion. I fought, begged, pleaded & defied but was always mind fucked & made to feel guilty that a baby would interrupt his education & destroy his future. It happened at 6 wks. He made the appointment to get rid of all evidence of his actions …I carry the heartache & guilt. it's been decades & I remember everything which is a nightmare in itself. You never forget & are always with a sad heart. I don't have any advice & would never presume to try. I will tell you, you're not alone, it's hard to be here & see what we see & read about aborted babies & PP etc. I know God loves us..the rest I suppose is we have a broken heart that can't be repaired.
I Am With You!
IAWY!