>>5304289
Thank you anon.
All my life, I've invested my most precious possession in other people = that is my own self. I've given my everything to those whom needed it. I stood alone in the face of evil because it is the right thing to do. All of my life bad person kept on hitting me and I stood still, took the hits and even forgave them for all the bad stuff that took place. But it never stopped anon.
I am a fool. A fool for wipping the tears of others. A fool for running into hell fire to save others while, I've been always hit. I'm covered with wounds, physical and mental. I just had surgery, I removed a nodule from my chest. It was not cancerous but the doc warned me it will come back, probably cancerous next time. I'm a fool because I gave it all and I ended up not just empty handed but also slaughtered just because they can. I have the power to save every single person on this planet apart one = myself. No one ever wiped my tears; my heart and soul burned and crushed a zillion times, I was blead dry. I stood alone. Help never came, will never come. I was left there to die over and over again. Each time i was taken down, i stood back up again on my own, no matter how harsh it was, till I was nicknamed the Phoenix. Each time I’m taken down, I rose up back again and fought till I died out again.
Almost 8 years ago the final straw came, the straw that broke the camel’s back. I got hit so hard, that I never could stand back again. Everyone just stood there and watched, laughed, enjoyed my destruction. No one cared. No one. I was expecting this, but I never thought it would be this much. The fire of this phoenix has been dying out slowly ever since 8 years ago. I stopped seeing the world as a beautiful colorful place and saw nothing but darkness, mostly the darkness in people’s hearts.
When Christ says not all will enter my father’s kingdom, he is right, because those whom pretend to be the most rightous ones are the ones with the blackest of hearts. I don’t know if I believe in God anymore. For many, that is blasphemy and sinful. Maybe it is. I don’t know anymore.
As a kid, once, a small wooden cross shined upon me while I was alone in my bedroom. The cross told me that it has a mission for me, it asked me to spread the message of Christ to the entire world. It told me that it has chosen me and it gave me the greatest weapon of God. When I replied: do you want me, a kid, to spread the gospels? The cross replied that Christ’s message was NOT the gospels but LOVE. The cross told me that I’m soldier and that it’s going to give me the armor of God, so that I can turn the world around and let the light start shinning, vanquishing darkness for centuries to come. When I asked what light? The cross started glowing harder and brighter till it became white. The light was so bright that it blinded me for a second. I closed my eyes and when I opened them, the sky was clear pure blue with the brightest light ever everywhere. It was the purest light I’ve ever seen. I was no longer in my room. When I looked around, I could not find the sun, nor the source of the light, not matter where I searched, I couldn’t find it. That is until I looked down on my chest and saw the cross entering my chest and it became one with me. It told me that I will suffer a lot in my life, it’s the price that needs to be paid for me to spread that light. It told me the source of that light is me and my heart, and that I will be attacked a lot by evil until that light grows and gets stronger and then, only then, it will win over evil.
As time passed, I forgot about that, I was only 11 when that took place. I never spoke about it, totally forgot about it, lived my life in the right not because I was told to, but because I believed it. I never listened to anyone but my own consciousness, my own sense of right and wrong.