The following is an extract from Mostly Harmless:

"A quadruped with rather odd migratory habits that grazes across the Lamuellan land, providing sustenance for its inhabitants and sandwich meat for the Sandwich Maker. A Perfectly Normal Beast is a bit like a cow, or rather a bull. Kind of like a buffalo in fact. Large, charging sort of animal. They come from a point slightly to the east of the Hondo Mountains, where they suddenly appear. Then they sweep in their thousands across the great Anhondo Plains, and, well, vanish really.

They migrate in a very large herd of thousands upon thousands of Perfectly Normal Beasts, sweeping in magnificent array across the Anhondo Plain. In the early pale light of the morning, as the great animals charged through the fine steam of the sweat of their bodies mingled with the muddy mist churned up by their pounding hooves, their appearance seemed a little unreal and ghostly anyway, but what was heart-stopping about them was where they came from and where they went to, which appeared to be, simply, nowhere.

They formed a solid, charging phalanx roughly a hundred yards wide and half a mile long. The phalanx never moved, except that it exhibited a slight gradual drift sideways and backwards for the eight or nine days that it regularly appeared for. But though the phalanx stayed more or less constant, the great beasts of which it was composed charged steadily at upwards of twenty miles an hour, appearing suddenly from thin air at one end of the plain, and disappearing equally abruptly at the other end."

>>5350795

Perfectly Normal Beast

The Perfectly Normal Beasts are a species that migrate across the Anhondo Plain on Lamuella twice a year (one direction in the spring then back again in the autumn). The migration takes about 8 to 9 days during which time they form a solid mass. They disappear into thin air at one end of the plain, then appear again at the other. They are called Perfectly Normal Beasts because naming them normalizes the event of their migration and keeps people from worrying about its cause. It is likely that the Domain of the King was built to take advantage of this odd, mile-wide gap in the bi-yearly migration, situated as it is on a rather nice stretch of land that would otherwise be badly trampled every now and then (or, the space-time warp was specifically manipulated by the Domain's original builder as a matter of convenience).

The local Lamuellans capture the beasts and kill them for their meat. The method uses similar techniques to a matador but also requires use of the Pikka Birds to get their attention. The best of the meat is eaten straight away while the rest is salted and stored for consumption until the next migration. It was consumed on its own until the arrival of the Sandwich Maker and is now always placed between two slices of bread.

HERE IS PROOF OF A NEGRO JEW COCK AT YOUR FAVORITE POINTY BUILDING DOROTHY

Along with Ford Prefect, Arthur Dent barely escapes the Earth's destruction as it is demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Arthur spends the next several years, still wearing his dressing gown, helplessly launched from crisis to crisis while trying to straighten out his lifestyle. He rather enjoys tea, but seems to have trouble obtaining it in the far reaches of the galaxy. In time, he learns how to fly and carves a niche for himself as a sandwich-maker.

>>5350840

and carves a niche for himself as a sandwich-maker.

>>5350813

>>5350795

>>5350750

The Tertiary Phase, Quandary Phase, Quintessential Phase and Hexagonal Phase are respectively the third, fourth, fifth and sixth series of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series. Produced in 2003, 2004 and 2018 by Above the Title Productions for BBC Radio 4, they are radio adaptations of the third, fourth, fifth and sixth books in Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series: Life, the Universe and Everything; So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish; Mostly Harmless and And Another Thing….

These radio series consisted of a total of twenty episodes, following on from the twelve episodes from the original two series (the Primary and Secondary Phases) which originally aired in 1978 and 1980.

The producers chose not to continue the ordinal sequence established by the Primary, Secondary and Tertiary phases. If they had done so, the fourth, fifth and sixth series would have been termed quaternary, quinary and senary. Humorously, they chose "Quandary", which means "dilemma", "Quintessential", which today means "the most perfect example of something" (although the original meaning of quintessential was "fifth element"), and "Hexagonal", which refers to something else entirely.

The Tertiary Phase

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Tertiary Phase, based on Life, the Universe and Everything, ran on BBC Radio 4 from Tuesday 21 September to 26 October 2004, with repeats on the following Thursdays.[1]:364 Episodes were subtitled "Fit the Thirteenth" through "Fit the Eighteenth". The third novel was adapted by Dirk Maggs, John Langdon and Bruce Hyman following instructions left by Adams.[1]:149

Most of the original radio series cast returned, with the exception of three, due to their deaths: Richard Vernon (died 1997) as Slartibartfast, replaced by Richard Griffiths; Peter Jones (died 2000), replaced by his friend William Franklyn, with some brief excerpts from Jones' original narration used in Fit the Thirteenth of the radio series disguised as the Book's speech-generation system changing as part of updates to the Guide from the publisher; David Tate (died 1996), who played a multitude of minor roles in the two original radio series including Eddie, the Heart of Gold's computer.[1]:viii–x Bill Wallis, who played the roles of Mr Prosser and Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz in the original series, was not available. Toby Longworth took the role of Jeltz in the new series. On the other hand, John Marsh, who was the original series' continuity announcer, returned to announce the credits.[1]:23 There was even a cameo role by Adams himself (who had died in 2001) as Agrajag, edited from his BBC audiobook recording of the novel.[1]:xii

The original novel was based on a treatment that Adams wrote for an unmade Doctor Who movie, Doctor Who and the Krikketmen.[2] The idea was re-proposed during Tom Baker's tenure in the title role, and again for a potential (but unmade) second television series of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.[3]

Before the final episode was broadcast, BBC Worldwide released the Tertiary Phase on CD, including additional material. A DVD of the series was released on 2 October 2006 in the UK. This marks the first commercial release of any BBC radio programme in a 5.1 surround mix. The disc contains as extras: the full version of the Krikket Song, a photogallery, the original online and radio trailers, the appearance of the series on Pick of the Week, and thirty minutes of behind the scenes video in five short segments. Note that while the BBC online shop is still listing the disc as a DVD-Audio disc, their own image confirms that the disc is a lower-definition standard DVD-Video.[4] ISBN 0-563-50457-9.

Since the opening of the third book starts at the same place and time (prehistoric Earth) as the opening of the second radio series, the entire Secondary Phase was dismissed as one of Zaphod's "psychotic episodes" (including events that did take place in the books).[1]:24–25 Hints, however, were interspersed in the subsequent fourth and fifth series that would ultimately tie all five together. The UK edition of the novel was used for the adaptation—this becomes evident in Fit the Sixteenth, when the "Rory" award is said to be given for the Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word Fuck In A Serious Screenplay. The US edition of the same novel substituted "Belgium" for "fuck", as well as the explanation for why the former word is considered to be devastatingly rude in the rest of the galaxy, which is drawn from Fit the Tenth of the Secondary Phase. The broadcast version avoids saying "fuck" on radio by well-timed crashes and explosions—the CD version moves these so that the "fuck" is audible.

>>5350920

>>5350939

Arthur wakes up in a cave on pre-historic Earth (thus ignoring the events of the Secondary Phase), on the day, four years after he last saw Ford Prefect, that Ford arrives back. Ford carries news that he has detected disturbances in the "space-time wash", and that they might be able to escape. The disturbance turns out to be an old sofa, which materialises in a field. They chase the sofa as it runs off, and then are transported elsewhere.

Zaphod and Trillian are on the Heart of Gold, without Marvin. Zaphod is extremely hung over, and upset that Trillian is dismissing the events of The Secondary Phase as a "psychotic episode". Trillian wishes to do something and is getting increasingly annoyed at Zaphod. After preparing a fabulous meal, and Zaphod still refusing to come out of the bathroom, she teleports away, telling the ship to "transport me the hell out of Zaphod Beeblebrox's life."

Meanwhile, Marvin is on a swamp on Sqornshellous Zeta, conversing with the native life-forms, mattresses. He is circling around and around on one leg, while his artificial (i.e. replacement) leg is stuck in the swamp.

>>5350985

Arthur and Ford arrive at Lord's Cricket Ground on the sofa that they had caught in the previous episode. They have arrived in the final Test Match in the Ashes, in the middle of the field. A policeman apprehends them, and they retire to the pavilion.

Watching the match, Arthur drinks some tea and glances upon a newspaper. He notices the date on the newspaper, and realises that it was from the day before the Earth was demolished. A ball lands in Arthur's bag, and when the fielder comes to collect it, Arthur decides to keep it.

With the planet about to be demolished again, they then look for another lift from the planet. They discover a spaceship, hidden by a "Somebody Else's Problem field", hidden behind a screen.

The game finishes, with England winning the Ashes, and Slartibartfast joins Arthur and Ford. Slartibartfast explains that he has arrived because "something terrible is about to happen". He walks to the centre of the cricket pitch, and asks to be given the Ashes saying that they are "vitally important for the past, present and future safety of the Galaxy".

Another spaceship arrives. Eleven white robots, carrying bats and balls, and wearing rocket pads on their shins (dressed like cricketers), come suddenly out, and start attacking the spectators and players with their grenades. They take the Ashes, say "we declare", and go back into their ship. Ford and Arthur catch a lift with Slartibartfast on his ship.

Meanwhile, Marvin is once again making conversation with a mattress. A similar ship to before arrives, and white robots get out and take Marvin's one remaining leg. After a brief while, they return and decide to take all of Marvin instead.

>>5350994

Slartibartfast shows Ford and Arthur an Informational Illusion about the Krikkit Wars and the Wikkit Gate, and that the game of cricket on Earth is a "racial memory" of the Wars. Investigating further, they discover that the Krikkitmen, a previously peaceful people, built their first spaceship in a year, after a spaceship landed on their planet. The planet and its sun had been previously obscured in a dust cloud that left the Krikketmen unaware of the existence or even possibility of existence of stars. It is considered remarkable that they constructed a working ship in just a year. After they saw the rest of the universe existed, they decided to annihilate it.

Meanwhile, on the Heart of Gold, Zaphod Beeblebrox hears the noise of thousands of people saying "Wop". He intercepts them on the bridge, where he is told they want the "Golden Bail", the ship's Infinite Improbability Drive. They take it, shoot him, and leave.

Back on Slartibartfast's ship, Ford and Arthur watch the Krikkit War Crimes Trial, presided over by Judiciary Pag. Pag's sentence is that Krikkit will be locked in an envelope of "Slo-Time", until the universe has ended, when it will be released, thus saving the universe from attack from Krikkit, and allowing Krikkit to exist in isolation after the end of the universe. However, a Krikkit ship escaped.

Slartibartfast notes that parts of the key to the Wikkit Gate, sealing the envelope of Slo-Time, have been re-appearing. After a failed attempt to recover the Wooden Pillar (the Ashes), Slartibartfast plans to go to a party, to locate the Silver Bail. Ford disagrees with this objective but agrees with the concept of going to a party. They teleport from the ship.

Arthur does not materialise with Ford and Slartibartfast, but elsewhere, in a gloomy room, with signs such as "DO NOT BE ALARMED. BE VERY VERY FRIGHTENED, ARTHUR DENT". The episode ends on a cliff-hanger, with the previously unintroduced character of Agrajag saying "Bet you weren't expecting to see me again."

The episode includes several Guide interludes, notably the story of Lallafa the poet, and a description of Brockian Ultra-Cricket.

The Quintessential Phase has one sub-plot of Zaphod attempting to reach Zarniwoop (which did occur in Fit the Twelfth, but that version was dismissed during the Tertiary Phase as Zaphod having a "psychotic episode"—another version of events occurs here, in an attempt to interconnect all five series). Zarniwoop has been merged with the character Vann Harl from Mostly Harmless. This radio series also sees the return of the characters of Max Quordlepleen, Thor, and Zarquon (who all appeared in Fit the Fifth at Milliways), and also Mr. Prosser, from Fit the First. None of these characters appear in the book version of Mostly Harmless.

The start of some of the plot threads from Mostly Harmless were introduced in the Quandary Phase (though they did not appear in So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish)—notably the Vogons discovering that Earth had re-appeared and resolving to destroy all versions of it, Arthur having sold his DNA, a mention that Trillian now has a child and is now a reporter. Also the final episode saw the introduction of an alternate version of Trillian, still known as Tricia McMillan, who is identical to the original Trillian except for being blonde and American. This alternate McMillan is played by Sandra Dickinson, who played Trillian in the television series.

The events at the end of this series are referenced in the latest Hitchiker book, And Another Thing… by Eoin Colfer, where the dream sequence the Hitchhiker's Guide Mk.2 puts Trillian into involves the Babel Fish teleporting her and the other main characters away from the destroyed Earth to Milliways, similar to one of the endings. Van Harl is also mentioned as Zarniwoop Van Harl, among other nods to the radio series such as a reference to Brontitall and the bird people from the Secondary Phase that were never put into the novels.

>>5351039

The episode opens with a Grebulon spaceship suffering an accident, and losing nearly all records of what it is and what it should be doing, along with the crew's memories of why. Based on what little remains of their orders, they land on the tenth planet from the Sun, and start to 'monitor' Earth.

After a year's travelling Arthur has returned to the co-ordinates ZZ9 plural Z alpha—where he is expecting to find Earth, and perhaps Fenchurch. In its place, he finds a barely colonised planet called NowWhat, although with the right continents for Earth. The creature at the information desk explains that beings from a "plural" region are not advised to travel in hyperspace due to the risk of slipping in dimensions. He is directed to Hawalius, a planet of oracles.

During a flashback, the introduction between Trillian and Zaphod Beeblebrox is revealed. But on a parallel Earth, an American and blonde Tricia McMillan (who was left behind by her universe's Zaphod) is interviewing Gail Andrews, an astrologer, about the effect that the recently discovered planet Persephone (nicknamed Rupert) will have on astrology. The Grebulons, monitoring this, have an idea.

Later, Andrews and McMillan talk. Andrews has sensed that McMillan is unhappy about the stars—McMillan reveals that she met an alien (Zaphod Beeblebrox) at a party once (a variation of the previous flashback ensues), but didn't get to go with him because she fetched her bag. She also reveals that she just missed out on a TV job in New York City because she did not go back to fetch her bag.

Meanwhile, Zaphod (who does not appear in the book) is attempting to meet Zarniwoop once more, convinced that the Total Perspective Vortex (from Fit the Eighth) was not just his imagination. He has arrived at Saquo-Pilia Hensha, the new location of the offices for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He sneaks into the building pretending to deliver pizza, and goes to the editor's office. He meets Zarniwoop Vann Harl, who promises to explain matters.

The story turns back to Arthur, who has arrived at Hawalius. He is told by an oracle that prophecy is a dead business now, due to news reports from the future using time travel. He is given a piece of free advice—"it'll all end in tears, probably already has", and sent on his way to the next cave.

Back at the Hitchhiker's building, Ford is also sneaking in. He climbs into the building through the ventilation system, disables a security robot (which he dubs "Colin") by hardwiring it to be happy all the time, and then gets it to cover his entrance to the editor's office, finding out along the way that the Guide has been taken over and is no longer owned by Megadodo Publications. He too manages to get into the editor's office and finds that Vann Harl has been expecting Ford. The episode ends here on a cliff-hanger.

>>5351047

The episode opens with Ford and Arthur on Lamuella. Ford explains about the new guide and its ability to use Reverse Temporal Engineering in order to arrange circumstances for the benefit of its user. Ford's spaceship itself he obtained by jumping from a building and falling into it, its previous occupant having accidentally pressed the wrong sort of eject button. Tracing back, he discovered that a trail of coincidences led back to the new Guide, which was responsible. With Random stealing the ship and the Bird, they are stuck, with no immediate way to get offworld to prevent the Vogons from doing whatever it is they intend to do. They decide that the Perfectly Normal Beasts are the best way off the planet. The migration has already started, and this sees them appear at one point, run past Lamuella, and then disappear again, evidence of a dimensional shift. Old Thrashbarg helps them slow a Perfectly Normal Beast long enough for them to get onto it, and tells them that they will be entering the Domain of the King.

On the alternate Earth, Tricia McMillan has returned from Rupert, and is lamenting that none of the footage she has taken is usable. She is interrupted by a member of the hotel staff, telling her that a spaceship has landed in Regent's Park, and the young girl on the ship is demanding to see her. Meanwhile, the Grebulon leader is still unhappy. Whilst they now have horoscopes, he now knows that unless he takes positive action, then due to the Earth rising, he will have a very bad month. He decides to investigate the possible astrological uses of the Grebulon's gun turrets.

Arthur and Ford arrive at the Domain of the King Bar and Grill, which has numerous spaceships outside of it, including a large pink one. Inside, they have a couple of bacon rolls, whilst Ford buys the pink spaceship from the bar singer, Elvis Presley. They then depart for Earth. After arriving, they find that Tricia McMillan has taken Random to a club, and go there themselves. A strange man confronts Arthur, and says "I told you not to come here!" Arthur and Ford find Random, along with Tricia and Trillian (who had arrived in the meantime on a third spaceship). Random is holding a gun and threatening to shoot. Trillian explains they must leave the planet immediately, as the Grebulons (a missing spaceship from the war she was sent to cover) are about to destroy the planet, once again.

Arthur explains it is impossible for him to die (and hence for the planet to be destroyed), but the strange man goes for Random's gun and she ends up shooting him. Trillian points out the name of the club to Arthur—Stavro Müller Beta—while Arthur realizes the strange man is Agrajag. Arthur accepts his fate, and the Earth is destroyed…

Epilogue

An updated edition of the Guide notes that Babel fish share the ability of the dolphins in shifting sideways in probability when required, bringing their host and sometimes other people in the vicinity with them, and notes that this in fact has happened. The Guide shares the fate of Arthur in two alternate realities: the first, continuing from the end of Fit the Twelfth, sees Arthur and Lintilla and several of her clones aboard the Heart of Gold; the second sees Arthur from the beginning of the story, this time battling over the fate of his home with Prosser alongside Fenchurch.

The Guide then details the true reality of what happened: the Babel Fish brought Arthur, Ford, Random, Zaphod and Trillian (now merged with Tricia) to Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Table 42. While Zaphod discovers Marvin is still under warranty and continues to park cars, albeit with a promotion, Arthur discovers the waitress serving their table is Fenchurch, who has been at Milliways waiting for him to turn up. As Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged arrives to insult the Great Prophet Zarquon, making his perennial appearance on the Milliways stage, his immortality is rescinded, and he dies. Elsewhere in the universe, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, having finally destroyed the Earth after all this time, is able to tick the box on his orders and move on. Reunited, Arthur promises to take Fenchurch flying.