WELCOME TO SUNNY GITMO RESORT AND SPA!

Your vacation begins at our lovely resort facility in historic Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, a rich land on an otherwise impoverished nation! You’ll reside in luxury accommodations near at Justice (not to be confused with “Just Us,” a very poor flea-bag competitor in Washington, DC) overlooking Execution Beach! Think of the exciting times you’ll have, witnessing and participating in multiple trials! Among the many amenities of the resort, here are the following:

1. Regulation 200-thread-count white cotton sheets! That’s right, the exact same sheets used by Federal prison inmates and enlisted personnel in our Armed Forces!

2. Standard issue flip-flops for showers and slip-on shoes for that active lifestyle you crave! (Please note that it is against Resort policy to permit laces in any footwear due to the risk of suicides before convictions).

3. Hard surface beds to relieve those nagging aches and pains you acquired while trying to dominate the world!*

4. Free legal assistance!

5. Access to our casino! Play our most exciting, high-stakes game: “PLEA BARGAIN!”

6. Full use of our recreational grounds. Exercise equipment such as extra-heavy leg shackles are available upon request.

7. Free dining plans with “The Chow Hall”, widely regarded as one of the best institutional food lines in the Caribbean! Force-feeding is free of charge to all of our guests who play the hunger-strike game!

8. Expert medical care provided by hungover Navy Corpsmen! (Guests may not be provided with immediate services if they have referred to medical staff as “Corpse-man” at any time in the past.)

*Please note that your accommodations are assured through the length of your stay with us; however, the Resort reserves the right to transfer you to any other accommodations as our needs.

WE HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY OF INDEFINITE LENGTH AT OUR LOVELY RESORT.

>>5761713

Only the best for our hard-working public servants! Or is that pubic servants?

>>5761758

He might exit the aircraft a little early!