yeah that one was more condensed, had a theme from start to finish.
maybe tell her to insert some audio from the snippets she uses to make some things clearer to the audience…
it becomes harder if you put more than 1 topic in it.
maybe a hint would be to concentrate on 1 main statement and than backing it up with small snippets
it´s all about catching the audience in the first seconds and than keeping it up and finish strong.
attention is a bitch