your wish is my command
She opens the door and closes it quietly behind her.
She follows trails familiar enough that she can navigate them through blurry tears. Over to the elevator. Down the 32 floors. Lobby to sidewalk, sidewalk to cab, cab to home.
The whole time, she wonders if he's going to chase after her, but he doesn't. The whole time, she wonders if he's going to text her, but he doesn't. She agonizes over what she did wrong. Sleeping there overnight? Sleeping with him at all? Reaching out to him on his website? Being weak against temptation? Having those temptations in the first place?
Maybe it's a good thing he doesn't want to see her again. She wouldn't have the willpower to stop herself from sinning with him more. So much more. So many more times.
She goes into her apartment and takes off her tainted clothes. She quickly showers, not even waiting for the water to get completely hot first. She needs to repent. A cold shower is the least she can do.
The water flows, the crying stops. She thoroughly washes her hair and scrubs herself down. She even rinses her sex with her hand. She feels between the folds. They're very sensitive.
She dries off and throws on her clothes. She looks at the time. She can still make it to twelve o'clock Mass. New time, same sanctuary. She's starting to feel better. She heads back out the door.
~
She walks up to the church.
"Mary!" a cheerful voice says.
She turns to look. It's her coworker Michael.
"Michael," she says. "What a nice surprise." She didn't know he was Catholic.
"Is it your first time here?" he asks. "I haven't seen you here before."
"Oh, I usually go to the 10:15 Mass," she says. "I was…running late."
"Well, this is great," he says. "Now we can sit together."
They go in. Make their holy-water signs of the cross.
"I usually sit here," he whispers to her as he leads her to a pew near the front.
"Me too," she smiles.
"I knew I liked you for a reason," he says.
They genuflect and enter the pew. The priest begins the service. Mary feels the weights lifting from her mind. They might return later, but for now, it's nice to feel safe in God's house and have the comfort of His grace.
She doesn't want Mass to end. She doesn't want to have to carry her heart out of this shelter and into the lonely reality of the world.
When Mass ends, she thinks about going to confession. But Michael is still here, so she'll at least walk with him as he leaves.
They go to the doors of the church. More holy water. They step out onto the sidewalk.
Her stomach drops. John is waiting for her. The weights crash down again.
~
John's in his kitchen. He watches Mary walk out his door.
It's not the first time a girl has walked out that door. In fact, it's the thirty-second time. No big deal.
So why does he want to run after her? Why does he want to call her name and hear his name on her lips? Why does he want to sweep her off her feet and carry her back to his bed and never let her leave?
Is it because this is the first time he's seen a girl walk away crying?
Is it because this is the first time he's had a sub use her safeword?
Is it because this is the first time he's been in—
No. Don't even say it. Don't even think it.
He's a player. He's the Playeur. He's the one who does the playing. He's not going to let love play him.