Anonymous ID: c656e0 May 11, 2019, 10:59 a.m. No.6472396   🗄️.is 🔗kun

Capitalism and Cows

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM – You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION – You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

 

FRENCH CORPORATION – You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION – You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION – You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION – You have two cows. Both are mad.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION – You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION – You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION – You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

 

A HINDU CORPORATION – You have two cows. You worship them.

 

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION – You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

 

ENRON CORPORATION – You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

 

ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC – You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron has 9 cows.

Anonymous ID: c656e0 May 11, 2019, 11:15 a.m. No.6472569   🗄️.is 🔗kun   >>2621

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

  1. Ahhh… I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again…

 

  1. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

 

  1. How about never? Is never good for you?

 

  1. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 

  1. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

 

  1. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

 

  1. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…

 

  1. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

 

  1. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

 

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

 

  1. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

 

  1. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

 

  1. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

 

  1. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 

  1. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 

  1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

 

  1. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

 

  1. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental…

 

  1. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

 

  1. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

 

  1. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

 

  1. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 

  1. No, my powers can only be used for good.

 

  1. You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.

 

  1. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

 

  1. And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be…?

 

  1. Do I look like a people person?

 

  1. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 

  1. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

 

  1. You!… Off my planet!

 

  1. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

 

  1. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

 

  1. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

 

  1. Allow me to introduce my selves.

 

  1. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

 

  1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

 

  1. Not all women are annoying. Some are dead.

 

  1. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 

  1. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

 

  1. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

 

  1. Can I trade this job for what's behind door one?

 

  1. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 

  1. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

 

  1. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

 

  1. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 

  1. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

 

  1. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 

  1. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.