Sorry Sam Heughan
But I prefer Henry Cavill to you lmao
I’m so sorry Sam
The only way I’ll ever take you is if you love me as much as I want to love Henry
How cruel would life be if Henry actually turned out to be straight (not crooked)?
If I can’t have Henry, I don’t want anyone else to have him.
I want him to live his life like Mattis. (the loyal knight who chooses a life of celibacy… but I also did watch Blade Runner and I remember the chess game with the Knight taking the Queen so you know…)
Lmao I know that is so fucking petty but I don’t care
You saw what happened to Demi with her relapse last year lmao
I just want someone to love me as much as I want to love Henry
So sorry Sam when I say it would be settling to end up with you, but if Henry really is straight I don’t want to put that on him lmao
Because I don’t want to be so cruel to a straight man to force him to end up with me because I want him so much
Anyway, he should be happy with the fact that literally everything can be tied back to him in some weird way (five guys, 5G, cows, etc.)
So Sam, I’ll take you
But only if Henry remains celibate for the rest of his life lmao
And only if you love me as much and as well as I want to love Henry
if the goal of this was to turn me into the most awful and offensive individual, you guys have succeeded lmao
I’m sorry Sam
You’re not ugly
But then again…
Literally anyone pictured next to Henry is ugly lmao
Except if I get to photograph him
I’m sure I can make him look hideous lmao